Parents gathered at Marlton Middle School to view a video called That's a Family!, used to illustrate diversity to third-grade health classes. Many audience members had legitimate worries about the film's content and age appropriateness. Others had agendas based in hate.

It's a good thing the children stayed home. Parents behaved badly.

The four-hour meeting frequently erupted into shouting, accusations and name-calling. Sentences beginning with "I'm tolerant" dissolved into ranting that was anything but. Adults demanding that the district teach the Golden Rule neglected to practice it themselves.

The meeting's flash point was the 37-minute video's inclusion of same-sex parents alongside mixed-race couples, adoptive parents, single parents, and guardians. Some parents felt the film's concepts were too mature and details too explicit for 8- and 9-year-olds. Others rejected any mention of homosexuality.

New Jersey requires school districts to teach third graders about the variety of families in their communities. In Evesham and elsewhere, that population includes kids with two moms or two dads.

The district's goal wasn't to advocate any particular lifestyle, but "to protect children from presumptions that cause them to feel a lack of full acceptance of family and self that everyone is due," according to a statement issued to parents. That's the district's job.

As a boy in the video says, "Sometimes kids use mean words for gays and lesbians, and that hurts my feelings."

Public schools can show no tolerance for stereotyping, derisive language or bullying. The question is whether That's a Family! is the best way to promote mutual respect among third graders.

Evesham educators think so, but many of the 80 third-grade parents at Tuesday's meeting disagreed. However, they represent only a portion of the 1,200 third-grade parents in the district.

The district erred by failing to better engage parents before this maelstrom erupted. Administrators should have anticipated being caught in the national political debate over same-sex relationships. They should have known that, regardless of the merits of this particular video, the producer's activist history would target them for criticism.

Another ruckus is brewing for the Feb. 13 school board meeting, which is likely to draw religious, and gay, and lesbian activists, as well as parents. If Tuesday is any indication, civility will be preserved only through tight parliamentary procedure.

In the meantime, the district should survey more parents, some of whom felt too intimidated to speak Tuesday. It also should consider using the video in a higher grade, where reproductive references would cause less discomfort.

Parents claim schools should leave character education to them, but as role models Tuesday, they failed a key test.