Commentary: Battleground status means more $$$ for Pa.

By Anthony Wood

Fellow Pennsylvanians, congratulations. We've made an amazing comeback, and right now it looks like we have Hillary and Donald and Tim and Mike right were we want them. That is, here, as often as possible.

They want us, need us, gotta have us. We had a scare in August, but the most-recent polls suggest that not only is Pennsylvania still a "battleground" state, it might end up deciding the election.

If we can keep it up, we'll have those characters buying Pennsylvania frequent-visitor passes. We know, we know, that's not the stuff of everyone's dreams, but bear with us here.

Recall that we had a big year in 2008 when Barack and John spent the fall vote-hunting in Penn's Woods. Sadly, Ohio and Florida showed us up in 2012, when we let the president's lead get out of hand before the race even started.

The polls had Hillary way ahead last month, but now it appears we have that battleground mojo back. We even made Barack show up and act like he was interested in the Eagles. Donald dove recently into Deep Delco. The nominees are pushing their Pennsylvania credentials. One claims fond memories of Scranton; the other went to school here, as did his son. We wouldn't be shocked if one of them remembers a cousin twice removed who sank into Centralia.

What's in it for us? Money.

For starters, the more coveted our electoral votes, the more the campaigns will spend on advertising. That's real money that will trickle down to restaurants, delis, and maybe even SEPTA. And what a boost for tourism.

We'll get a downer shot from a closed factory now and then, but the consultants are going to want to place their clients in uplifting settings that will excite the nation's positive blood, so attractive Pennsylvania venues would be a constant on national news shows. That's the kind of tourism advertising that we taxpayers couldn't afford.

What's amazing is that those dopes in New Jersey never figured this out. They'll vote Democrat again in November as sure as the Admiral Wilson Boulevard will flood the next time it rains.

So what do we need to do?

These days polls are updated about every 30 seconds, as best as we can tell, so pay attention. If you see one candidate pulling away, tell them you're voting for the other, and vice versa.

Go ahead, feel free to lie, it's none of their business what you really think. It might be illegal to drink out-of-state liquor in Pennsylvania, and maybe you can't buy a six pack at the beer distributor or order Gruyere on a cheesesteak, but no state or local law says you can't mislead a pollster.

They might try to trap you by probing the insides of your heads on issues with pesky survey questions to get at your unconscious preferences. Again, none of their business.

Should they try, here are some suggested responses, derived from some of our own informal polling of Pennsylvanians:

Climate change. All for it, weather around here stinks.

Immigration. Against it, but all for cheap labor.

Obamacare. Too damn complicated.

Same-sex marriage. Come on, anyone can marry a man.

Drone strikes. Bureaucrats don't work anyway.

Free trade. Free checking, too.

Fracking. Fine, just don't do it in public.

It's that simple. So let's get to work, and keep them guessing.

And thank you all again.

Anthony Wood is an Inquirer editor. twood@phillynews.com