Checking out how to split a dining check

Question: My question is about handling the check when dining out with other couples. Should you establish up front how everyone wants to handle it - even split, each paying for their own meal(s), or separate checks? What if the group is larger and includes some singles and some couples, where determining who gets the "separate check" would be difficult for restaurant staff? My husband and I have always assumed an even split, but have recently run into some awkward situations when the check arrived and our dining companions had assumed differently.

- Nannette in Pa.

Answer: This is a great question that plagues many a diner. The dinner check can often create discomfort when a group dines together. It's awkward when those with high doses of testosterone want to arm wrestle for the check and equally unpleasant when you had a salad and a soft drink and your dinner companions had lobster and champagne and the check gets split evenly.

I don't think the check should be discussed before the meal. That would seem to put a damper on things. It's nice and easy when checks can just be divided evenly. You aren't just paying for food, it's also the experience of the dining. If someone is single, just divide by the number of people at the table. If you are in a situation with two families dining out, and one has two children and the other has five children, it's not fair for each family to pay half. In situations, when the other folks don't do their duty and say, "We'll pay more," you might have to politely speak up and say, "Let's divide this per person and then figure it out."

If someone is really a repeat offender, you might have to suggest, "Why don't we just eat potluck at home?" or "We'll meet you after dinner for a dessert."

Q: There seems to be a trend in funerals nowadays that I just don't understand. My husband and I seem to be going to more funerals than weddings and just about everyone, including the children and grandchildren of the deceased, have their girlfriends and boyfriends in the receiving line. Often they are teenagers and have little connection except being the friend of the children. What in the world do you say to the friends of the children? I get really annoyed to be introduced in the receiving line to a young, sometimes teenage, girl or boy.

- Peg in Pa.

A: Tradition dictates that close or immediate family make up the receiving line, but there are not hard-and-fast rules on how people should grieve or handle a time of emotional pain.

I attended a funeral recently where one of the speakers wasn't an immediate relative, but she was very close to the person and gave a beautiful speech and I was glad to be able to talk to her in the receiving line. I agree with you that it can be awkward to know what to say to a teen who is not related to the person, but maybe at the time of the funeral the family feels that the teen is lending support and is needed at that time.

Reader comment: I wanted to follow up on the "no problem" comments in last month's column. One of your readers asked, "Who spread that virus?" Good question, but I wonder if it's related to an almost total absence of customer-service training given to young clerks at retail stores. These are the same kids who hand over your change/receipt with, invariably, "Have a nice day." No one has ever pointed out to them that I could have shopped somewhere else, and that therefore a "thank you" is in order. So, often - I'm practicing to be a crotchety old woman - I will reply, pleasantly but in a matter-of fact tone, "You're welcome."

- Deborah in Pa.

Suggestions welcome: A relative recently posed an interesting manners query. What do you do if someone you work with has an annoying habit, but not something that is really rude? Should you address it or let it go? In this case it's someone who chews gum loudly. If it's eating strong-smelling food or whistling while one works, what is the polite way to handle such situations? Readers, what are your suggestions?