Follow the e-mail trail

By Steve Young

When the Internet first came to fruition, who could have imagined that it could be a conduit of anything other than rapidly delivering photos of your cat to untold numbers of strangers or replacing paper copies of National Geographic aborigine nudes with highly developed porn? But today technology serves an even greater societal good: It reveals self-centered, often illegal, scandalous behavior. An even larger bombshell: So-called intelligent politicos have yet to recognize that their electronic communications are accessible. Perhaps power supersedes common sense.

How much more quickly could we have resolved misdeeds of the past if e-mail technology were available?

From: Richard Nixon

Subject: Petty break-in

Bob, John, as I have told you, I continue to know nothing about the details of the Watergate break-in that you've been updating me about for the past few weeks. But if I did know about it, which I don't and never did, I think it might be a good time for a cover-up.

Dick

From: Bob Haldeman

Got it. I'll let Dean know. They'd have to kill his firstborn to get anything out of him.

Bob

From: Chief Crazy Horse

Subject: Custer's Soon-To-Be-Last Stand

Time for a little traffic jam at Little Bighorn. You're not going to believe this, but General Dimwad thinks we're only bringing 800 warriors to the party. How about we bring about 1,000 more? You know, for laughs. What say you, SB?

CCH

From: Sitting Bull

ROFLMAO. Break treaties, will they? I'm thinking 2,000 more. But don't send any smoke signals. Buffalo hides have ears.

Bull

From: John W. Booth

Subject: Too Theatrical?

Hey, Mary. Instead of running a rock-solid oppositional nominee against Abe to debate the issues, let's find another way to take care of a beloved sitting president while his horrified wife sits by his side. Your thoughts?

Boothy

From: Mary Surratt

OMG. Such a well-thought-out plan. Just try to do it where they would least expect it. You know, in front of hundreds of people who can identify you and where you'd have to leap a great enough distance that you could break your leg.

Mar

From: High Priest's Office

Subject: You could already be a 30-silver-coin winner

Judas, my friend, we'd like to ask the J-man a few questions. No big deal. Really, the boys here would love to find out how to do the water-into-wine thing. Maybe teach some of us how to walk on water.

If you could just kiss and tell for us, we'd be eternally thankful. And who couldn't use an extra 30 silver coins?

Read but not signed, Morty

From: Judas Iscariot

If you're sure you will let him go after talking to him. He's a good guy, but if his dad finds out ...

Judas