Christine M. Flowers | The queens of denial

SO, MISS NEW Jersey says she was blackmailed by someone who "stole" pictures she'd put on the Web, threatening to release them if she didn't resign. But Amy Palombo refused to be a victim. She went on the offensive. And the pageant poobahs let her keep the crown.

Judging from the photos, sophomoric but not pornographic, they made the right decision. Still, given the much-ado-about-nothing nature of the scandal, there's a funny smell about just who put this thing in motion.

But one thing is certain. Miss Garden State is no heroine.

Yes, she struck a defiant pose. But the beauty queen actually played the victim in a very subtle way. Look at me, she said, someone done me wrong, but I'm not backing down. Which seemed admirable until you caught the subtext: How dare I be forced to take responsibility for my foolishness..

Far better to blame someone else. What a combo: courageous and victimized at the same time. (The publicity didn't hurt, either.)

That's the problem with scandals where accomplished women do dumb things, then try to deflect criticism by blaming a "hypocritical society."

But when the incriminating photos are found or the X-rated videos go on sale, the damsels hold press conferences and talk about how their privacy has been violated. Never do they say, "Gee, I really blew that one." (Okay, poor choice of words.)

In this month's Glamour, celebutante Kim Kardashian writes a soulful essay about being devastated when a sex tape that she made with an ex-boyfriend surfaced on the Internet. Kardashian is a member of the same sorority as Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, where there is no such thing as bad publicity. But why would anyone want to tape themselves in flagrante? If your tastes run that way, grab a mirror, not the videocam.

Young women seem to have forgotten that sexual liberation comes with a price. We can post those dirty pics on the Web and bump and grind on digital film and go the "Girls Gone Wild" route only if we're willing to take responsibility for our actions. No blaming others for our conduct. And make sure that if you don't want to be embarrassed, don't do something embarrassing.

But that's too logical and, to some, judgmental. Vanessa Williams was stripped of her Miss America crown because she posed for explicit photos. As the first black winner, the added element of perceived racism confused the issue. But even then there was the sense that Williams was treated unfairly for a regrettable "youthful mistake."

We all make mistakes, but our willingness to forgive usually depends on the gravity of the offense and the culpability of the offender. Putting compromising photos of yourself on the Web, sending bikini shots via e-mail or making amateur porn vids is stupid exhibitionism. They could also be excusable errors in judgment - but they don't let you blame the world for treating you shabbily, especially when you didn't have any problem acting shabbily in the first place.

So I have a message for all the beauty queens, actresses and sweet young things who play the victim card when they're caught with their low-risers down:

GO AHEAD, be skanky for the cameras in Cancun during spring break, or in the Bahamas, where you risk becoming a headliner on Fox when you go missing. Don't let a hypocritical society reign in your natural (or chemically enhanced) high spirits.

But when your antics come back to haunt you, don't blame anyone else for exploiting you. You've already done a great job of that all by yourselves. *

Christine M. Flowers is a lawyer.

E-mail cflowers1961@yahoo.com.