Thomas H. Sauerman, 82, helped parents of gay children adjust to their coming out

Thomas H. Sauerman, 82, formerly of East Falls, an educator and supporter who worked closely with parents as they learned that their children were gay or lesbian, died Wednesday, June 21, of a stroke at Roxborough Hospital.

The father of a gay son, Dr. Sauerman was a cofounder of the Philadelphia chapter of the nonprofit Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).

In that role, he provided guidance and support as parents struggled to adjust to a child's coming out. In October 1985, Dr. Sauerman described that process for parents as akin to the stages that mourners go through after a loved one's death.

"Initially, many families view the news as loss — almost death — of the son or daughter they have known and loved," he told the Washington Post. "Their grief, like that associated with separation, is a process of grappling with an external event that was not desired and for which no plans for coping existed."

Each family processes the news differently, he told the Post. Some move from shock and denial to eventual acceptance. Others get stuck in guilt.

"When guilt solves nothing, parents become ready to ask questions, listen to answers, and acknowledge their feelings. Anger and hurt are the most frequently expressed feelings."

Dr. Sauerman was uniquely suited to help the reeling families. His own son, Michael N., has a partner, Tim Mercado.

When the family learned that Michael was gay, "there was disbelief, then worry that he would not have a good life, then talking to him, and coming to acceptance and support," said Dr. Sauerman's wife, Sue.

Dr. Sauerman wrote the 1995 guide "Read This Before Coming Out to Your Parents." Sales of the groundbreaking booklet helped the organization "tremendously," former PFLAG board member Fran Kirschner told the Philadelphia Gay News.

Kirschner recalled Dr. Sauerman's compassion and openness to all the group's members. When few experts were available, Dr. Sauerman "was a resource in and of himself," she told the Gay News.

Born and reared in Chicago, he graduated from York High School and earned a bachelor's degree from Wittenberg College, a Lutheran school in Springfield, Ohio. He was ordained a Lutheran pastor in 1959. His first job was at a church in Louisville, Ky.

He earned a master's degree in urban sociology from the University of Louisville and a doctorate in education from Temple University. In 1971, he joined the Lutheran Church in Philadelphia as a national educational specialist.

From 1982 to 1990, he was paid director of the AIDS Coalition of South Jersey. He joined All About Hope N.J., an advocate for HIV/AIDS patients, as volunteer chairman of the board in 1994 and stayed on until 2014.

Whatever patients needed — food, case management, transportation vouchers, or holiday gifts for their children – he tried to provide.

"Tom was a true leader for the under-served," said David Condoluci, an AIDS specialist with the Kennedy Health Alliance in South Jersey. "He was a very compassionate man and self-giving. He fought extremely hard for the basic needs of these HIV-infected patients."

In 1990 Dr. Sauerman became paid development director for EducationWorks a Spring Garden nonprofit that provides educational programs for inner-city public school children. He retired in 2003 to take up writing as a consultant. In 2013, he and his wife moved from their home in East Falls to Cathedral Village.

Asked how he liked the senior facility, he replied: "I've never been so pampered in my whole life."

Dr. Sauerman enjoyed reading and sailing on the Chesapeake Bay. His favorite historical figure was Philadelphia's Lucretia Mott, an early Quaker suffragette and abolitionist.

"She set out to end slavery and obtain women's rights a century ahead of her time," he wrote in an online profile. "It's a magnificent story about living one's life with courage and commitment."

Besides his son and his wife of 60 years, he is survived by another son ,David L.; two grandchildren; a great-granddaughter; two brothers; and nieces and nephews.

An informal life celebration will be held from 3 to 6 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 2, in Cathedral Hall, Cathedral Village, 600 E. Cathedral Rd., Philadelphia 19128. Burial will be private.

Memorial donations may be made to the Green Fund at Cathedral Village or to the ACLU via www.aclu.org/donate. The Green Fund provides for trees, shrubs, and a butterfly garden on the senior facility's grounds.