Get a load of these jokers on 'Comedy Night'

LUCKILY, MOST of them have day jobs.

Otherwise, many of 15 or so pols who peddled jokes last night at Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky's 21st annual "Candidate's Comedy Night" would be living on a steady diet of vending-machine snacks and ramen noodles.

The guffaws - and occasional periods of awkward silence - were all in the name of a good cause: raising money for the children's charity the Variety Club. Bykofsky said the event has raised more than $425,000 over the years.

Rather than force readers to relive the entire show, held at Finnigan's Wake at 3rd and Spring Garden streets, here are a few highlights - and lowlights:

Biggest surprise: ex-City Councilman (and former federal inmate) Rick Mariano, who was handcuffed and clad in an orange jumpsuit labeled "Psych Ward."

Best jokes:

* "You know you're in Philadelphia when a big newspaper columnist like Stu Bykofsky raises money for a children's charity even though he's the poster child for erectile dysfunction." - City Councilman Wilson Goode Jr.

* "If assh---s could fly, they'd be an airport." - Byko on City Commissioners Joe Duda and Anthony Clark, who did not attend.

* "You look like a cross between Urkel and Groucho Marx." - Mariano to Mayor Nutter.

* "Guy walks into a bar with a dog in a Dallas Cowboys jersey and says he does backflips every time the Cowboys kick a field goal. Bartender says, 'I'd like to see what he does when they score a touchdown.' The owner says, 'Me too, but I've only had him for five years.' " - City Councilman Bill Greenlee.

Worst jokes:

* "All men over the age of 18 will have to wear belts, and hair picks in your Afro will be outlawed. Sorry, ?uestlove." - Nutter, on possible legislation for a second term.

* "When I ran for city controller in 2009, I did so poorly on Election Day, even Ed Wade tried to trade for me." - Al Schmidt, Republican candidate for city commissioner.

* "I'm 56 and not getting laid." - Mariano, sharing far too much information.

* "Ignore him and eat your peas and carrots." - Council candidate Michael Untermeyer, describing a conversation between two cannibals.

Worst singer:

* Joe West, Republican candidate for sheriff. Good Lord!

Best singer:

* Stephanie Singer, Democratic candidate for city commissioner. Singer was fairly decent. Next to Clark, she was Aretha Franklin.

Genuine comedy highlight: the incomparable Joe Conklin, who killed the room while riffing on Ed Rendell, President Obama, Bill Clinton and everyone in between.