America's Wittiest Weatherman
ACCUWEATHER chief meteorologist Elliot Abrams is known for the puns he sneaks into forecasts and the obscure holidays and local events he salutes in his weather reports.
"The more humor I put in the forecast, the less time I have to make mistakes about the forecast," he jokes.
Here's a look at some of Abrams' witty wordplay:
* To celebrate Wild Bird Feeding Month in February:
"Clouds will migrate through the Northeast, and flocks of feathery snow will come home to roost ... for now, this storm isn't really that much to crow about, but you do have to keep an eagle eye out for any slippery spots, especially when you take the terns. Now the nest question is what happens after this week. As we look at the weekend, we expect the clouds to be robin us of sunshine. However, wrenever the flow is from eastern Canada, we take a fresh gander at cold air, so it's not a good idea to leave the goose down at home and just go out with a capon ..."
* To mark the Philadelphia Flower Show in March:
"In the Northeast, some folks have shown impatiens waiting for a warmup, and if they think the forecasters are doing some dandelion, they punish them fertilize. This afternoon and tomorrow, however, Flourtown, Pa., Maple Shade, N.J., and Garden City, N.Y., will see temperatures sprout into the 50s and 60s. Petunia and I, the break is welcome. How should the kids dress? Use perennial guidance. Eventually, the last cold air will fade and spring will flower. As humid air arrives, there will be some hot houses. People will trade their long pantsies for shorts. Dogs will stop at the flowers to check for peonies. And if you need gardening tips, why not pick up a copy of weeders' digest."
* An "indoor forecast" for Christmas:
"As we head into the nighttime hours of Christmas Eve, bedtime warnings and hallway watches will be posted for all children, as long as they haven't been storming and thundering around the house. In most areas, a flurry of parcels from various source regions will accumulate under the tree. However, we issue a bright-paper and ribbon-snipping advisory. If you see this type of activity, we warn you not to watch. It's the same advice we give during solar eclipses. Do not stare directly at bright paper, especially if it is beginning to engulf other objects ... Waves of happiness will run higher than normal, with flurries of thanks and floods of good will, especially at the time of highest Yule Tide."
* For National Careers in Cosmetology Month in January:
"It fits right in for us, because the sky affects each day's appearance. As meteorologists, we try to put our best face forward. People ask for advice on the makeup of the weather. For example, concerning snow and sleet I know that sleet Estee Lauder of the two. The foundation of today's forecast is the huge storm that really did Rev-lon the eastern Canadian coast. Northwest winds are now bringing in dry air to Clairol the eastern states. For the weekend, cold air is the hor'ble essence ... That's it, in a compact. Skiers say Olay! However, Florida vacationers may find themselves in the Miami Chill line. That's the forecast, Nice and easy."