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Yo, Hillary, Barack: Philly do’s, don’ts

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, now pay attention.

Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter saw the value of a campaign visit to Reading Terminal Market, during a stop last May. It's a definite "do." (Tom Gralish/Inquirer file)
Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter saw the value of a campaign visit to Reading Terminal Market, during a stop last May. It's a definite "do." (Tom Gralish/Inquirer file)Read more

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, now pay attention.

You, too, John McCain.

We know you three will be visiting Philly quite a bit in coming weeks, what with all our primary voters waiting to be wooed.

So better bone up on local tradition, unless you want to risk committing a Philly faux pas like John Kerry, who ordered not your basic cheesesteak, but a cheesesteak hoagie Swiss.

Do a cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz. If your palate can't handle it, American or provolone will only cost a few tenths of a percent at the polls.

Don't get it at Geno's, which has a sign that says, "This is America. When ordering, please speak English." Unless you're so confident you're already gunning for the anti-immigration GOP vote.

Do jog up the Art Museum's "Rocky Steps." Turn, face the skyline, pump your fists skyward and smile.

Don't stop partway up, clap politely and say, "Bravo!"

Do go to the Reading Terminal market (sort of like kissing a baby).

Don't say, "What are you, a nurse or an actress?" to women in traditional Amish garb.

Do say "shore," as in Jersey Shore.

Don't, if it snows, make a snowball and throw it at a heckler, thinking you're honoring a local tradition. (We're tired of that Santa Claus rap, Ed Rendell's '89 snowball escapade notwithstanding.)

Do use "yo," as in "Yo, that Parkway reminds me of Paris!"

Don't say, "Why is it called the Blue Route if isn't it blue?"

Do tell Ben Franklin impersonator Ralph Archbold to go fly a kite - tongue in cheek or not.

Don't ask if Ben Franklin invented the light bulb.

Do have yellow mustard with your soft pretzel.

Don't fall for the "expressway" part of Schuylkill Expressway.

YOUR TURN: Do you have more suggestions? Add them in a comment below.