Nothing's wrong with the name 'Redskins,' as long as ...
... it refers to potatoes.
Here's a little food for thought.
The Washington Redskins have refused to change their name, despite growing objections.
And despite the fact that rendering the old merchandise obsolete would force fans to buy new stuff and make owner Daniel Snyder and the NFL even richer.
Well, here's a change we can all embrace.
Out with the Native American dude.
THE RED-SKINNED POTATO!
The Washington Redskins would refer to one of America's favorite crops!
Can't have the name of a rough, tough pro football team refer to a vegetable?
It wouldn't be the first time. Wasn't the Cleveland team named after hash browns? (Yes, we jest.)
(Disclaimer: Turns out this also isn't the first time for this idea. It's been jokingly suggested by protesting Native Americans, the Washington Times, and various bloggers and commenters.)
After all, people love potatoes. Imagine the marketing opportunities for Redskins fries, chips, potato bread and vodka.
Redskins ketchup and the cheese on the cheese fries could come in team colors!
RGIII could endorse Redskin brand butter and sour cream.
Green chips could be mockingly sold as Chip Kellys.
The team already sells a Redskins Mr. Potato Head. He could be the mascot.
But best of all, in other NFL cities, like Philly, headline writers could have the fun of writing headlines like "Eagles mash Redskins" or "Stick a fork in the Redskins."
Psst, don't mention that last point to Mr. Snyder.
He might find it offensive.
Contact staff writer Peter Mucha at 215-854-4342 or firstname.lastname@example.org.