Bykofsky's Comedy Night fundraiser surpasses half a mil

THE BIG NEWS out of Stu Bykofsky's Candidates Comedy Night last night was the serious news that the amount of money raised in its 24 years has exploded beyond the half-million mark.

The exact figure couldn't be computed immediately, but with U.S. Rep. Bob Brady calling out to three donors demanding $500 apiece (and getting it) and an auction of sports memorabilia raking in the bids, the donations rang like a berserk cash register.

For instance, an autographed Donovan McNabb jersey, with an autograph that Stu Bykofsky refused to vouch for, went for $1,000.

An autographed Mike Schmidt baseball, the authenticity of which Stu would guarantee, brought $500.

And so the bucks rolled in for the Philadelphia chapter of Variety, the charity that aides children with disabilities with medical equipment and other services.

The third floor of Finnigan's Wake was overflowing with political candidates, from Gov. Corbett and his Democratic opponent Tom Wolf on down, eager to get to the mike to impart their favorite jokes, stale, corny and sometimes even funny.

The usual targets got the usual barbs, including President Obama and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, with mild fun poked at the vulnerable personages like former Mayor Ed Rendell and former President Bill Clinton.

Current events got an airing, including the unlikely but discussed impeachment of the president, to which U.S. Rep. Pat Meehan said those talking about impeaching the president should heed three chilling words: "President Joe Biden."

Comedian Joe Conklin said now that the Democratic National Committee members who were looking for a place for the 2016 national convention have left, Philadelphians can go back to being themselves.

"The 'Speak English' sign can go back up at [Geno's] Steaks."

One of the most imaginary presentations was a skit performed by Democrat Mary Ellen Balchunis, who is running against Meehan in the 7th Congressional District.

She and campaign aides Kisha Larry and Joy Halpern performed an original song as a chorus line:

Did ya think I'd crumble

Did ya think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I.