WASHINGTON - Is Arlen Specter the funniest celebrity in Washington?
Nope, he's the runner-up.
That is not a joke.
The longest-serving senator in Pennsylvania history turns out to have comic chops and a sense of humor that falls somewhere between Stephen Colbert and Henny Youngman.
Specter said he called former Sen. Bob Dole, a fellow native of Russell, Kan., on his 84th birthday.
"Bob, how do you feel?" Specter said he asked.
"Arlen, I feel like a teenager - but I can't seem to find one!"
The crowd screamed at the DC Improv, where Specter was one of nine contestants Wednesday night at a charity event for the title of "The Funniest Celebrity in Washington."
Specter finished second in the voting at the performance, which raised about $75,000 for VH1's Save the Music Foundation and the Institute of Musical Traditions.
The winner was Joe Randazzo, an editor at the satirical newspaper the Onion, who garnered a lot of sympathy votes for working at an organization named for a vegetable.
Most of the other performers were members of the media, so Specter stood out not only for his age - at 77 he was the oldest contestant by a good quarter-century - but for being a good sport among his famously dour and self-important colleagues.
"I thought it was hilarious that I got the invitation," Specter said before the show. "I thought it would help my reputation - it certainly couldn't hurt it."
Asked about his comedic influences, Specter deadpanned: "Joe Biden," the notoriously verbose Democratic senator from Delaware.
"I'm going to divide my presentation into three parts: clean, questionable, and a highly, highly questionable part," Specter volunteered.
The lineup featured no other D.C. pols.
"No one else was dumb enough, foolish enough or risqué enough to accept," Specter said. "I thought it would be fun. A night out for Joan, who is in town."
Joan Specter smiled and said that was not necessarily what she would have picked for a night out.
The five-term Republican lawmaker eased onto the stage carrying a martini with three olives, cradled the microphone like an old friend, and launched into an 11-minute routine of suggestive stories and old standbys freshened with new names.
"Trent Lott was distraught after the hurricane," he said of the Mississippi senator with the patent-leather hair. "It destroyed his whole library. Both books."
Roar.
"And he wasn't even finished coloring one."
Louder roar.
Said Boom-Boom Specter: "I'd appreciate it if you don't laugh so long. I don't have much time."
Specter scored big with a campaign joke, describing an argument in the Senate cloakroom among presidential candidates Biden, Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton:
"Biden said he had a dream, and the Lord came to him and said: 'Joe, I hereby designate you as the Democratic nominee.' Barack scowled and said he had a dream, and the Lord came to him and said: 'Sen. Obama, you will not only be the Democratic nominee but the next president of the United States.'
"Then Hillary frowned and said: 'Listen, guys. I had a dream last night myself, and I didn't say anything to either of you.' "
Specter had had a full day, starting with squash at 6:30 a.m., followed by a fund-raiser and a 61/2-hour Judiciary Committee hearing with Michael B. Mukasey, the nominee for attorney general.
"If I succeed, I could apply for a job here," Specter said, looking around at the comedy stars on the walls of the DC Improv. "I have a day job, but I could work here nights."
See Sen. Specter's
comedy stylings via http://go.philly.com/improv
Contact staff writer Steve Goldstein
at 202-408-2758 or slgoldstein@phillynews.com.
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