We have been married for 12 years and his favorite line is ‘I’ll do it later.’ He says he’s going to wash the dishes, but puts it off until the game is over. Once the game is over, he doesn’t feel like washing the dishes. I get mad and end up washing them myself. I go to bed mad and don’t want to have sex, so he gets mad and the cycle starts again a few days later. He does this with other things too: paying bills, housework, vacation planning. His constant procrastination is making my hair go gray. How do deal with his constant procrastination?
Steve: You gotta make a deal. You pick the most important job: bills. You two share the payment and pay it on time. You’re in charge. Everything else, let him get it late. He will eventually play better or he won’t. But that’s on him, not you.
Mia: You really need to lighten up, girlfriend. Except for paying bills, all of those things you’re griping about don’t really matter. You’re driving yourself and your husband crazy worrying about dishes. Stash them away somewhere and buy yourself some paper plates and use those instead. Call one of those maid services to help out. If he won’t plan a vacation, then you do it. Book a spa trip with your friends and go. Stop trying to be a perfectionist. Relax. Take a yoga class and let go.
For our fifth wedding anniversary my husband wants to go to an adult all inclusive with a nude beach. He’s always wanted to go, but I’m afraid he’s going to go over there and lose control and start smoking weed and comparing me to all them other women on the beach. Should I go anyway?
Mia: This isn’t really about him losing control but about your own low self esteem. You’ve got to work on that. There’s always going to be someone prettier or with a better body. But you’re a unique person with your own special gifts. Remember that the next time a twenty-something in a thong struts by you on the beach. As for the trip, buy yourself a nice coverup and go. Life’s too short not to have fun!
Steve: You gotta ask! Ask him if he intends to compare you to others. If he says yes, then you then say no. If he promises to care about you, not the others, then you say yes.