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Turning people off is a turn-on

When writing an online dating profile, whether on OkCupid, Match, or even Tinder, many people immediately think to themselves, “I should write exactly what I think people want to hear. I want lots of people to be interested in me, after all!” I beg to differ.

When writing an online dating profile, whether on OkCupid, Match, or even Tinder, many people immediately think to themselves, "I should write exactly what I think people want to hear.  I want lots of people to be interested in me, after all!"  I beg to differ.  While, of course, it's nice to be liked, you don't want to lose yourself in the process of trying to fit into some arbitrary mold that you think others want to see.  For example, take the lines, "I'm just as comfortable in a little black dress and heels as I am in jeans and flip-flops," or "I'm just as happy out on the town as I am at home with a movie and a glass of wine on the couch."  Do these lines actually tell us anything?  Nope.  They simply cover all the bases.  To me, they read, "I am trying to show you that I'm versatile so that I don't turn anyone off or exclude anyone."

While it may seem counterintuitive, I'll come right out and say it: It's okay to turn people off in your profile!  It's more important to be the real you, not the version of yourself you think people want to see, and certainly not the version of yourself who attempts to appeal to every single person on the site.  Just be yourself.  That way, you know when someone shows interest, it's because he or she likes the actual things you said, not just the fact that you were being inclusive.

It's okay if you don't run marathons, ski, travel to Antarctica, skydive, or camp.  I don't, either.  In fact, I would choose playing trivia, shopping online for shoes, or doing a crossword puzzle over camping any day of the week.  A bit nerdy?  Perhaps. The real me?  You bet.  So if someone out there is a hard-core camper and wants to sleep in a tent every weekend, then we wouldn't be a good fit, and I'd rather we know that from the get-go.

In some iteration of my online dating profile over the years, I had written the following:

In some ways, I never grew out of my younger self: I own entirely too many sparkly things, I'd still yell "I'm going to Disney World!" if I won the lottery, I love board games, and I tend to laugh at my own jokes... often before even finishing them.

In other ways, I may actually have a few things in common with your grandma: I play a weekly game of mah jong, make a killer brisket, and carry a sweater around because I'm always cold. (I do not, however, give out raisins and shiny quarters on Halloween.) 
 

And I love a good pun… just in case you were wondering. 

If someone cringes at the thought of fowl play on Thanksgiving this Thursday, that's okay.  He just wouldn't be the right person for me.

I have a challenge for you: After you've followed all of the advice here and written your online dating profile, give it an additional read-through and see if it contains one of the "all-inclusive" lines.  If it does, change it into something that better represents who you really are.  Remember that it's okay to share your interests in bird-watching, chess-playing, beer-making, and whatever else you do for fun.  Yes, you may (and likely will) turn someone off.  But you may also just turn exactly the right person on.

This advice and many similar articles and stories can be found in Love at First Site by Erika Ettin, the founder of A Little Nudge.