(S)he is just that into you
I once got a call from a male client asking how I thought his date went with a girl. I first asked, as I always do, “How did it end?” The response was, “Well, we made out a little.” What!? You made out and weren’t sure how the date went? If there was any question, it went well.
In many ways, men and women are different (yeah yeah, get your mind out of the gutter), but in many, we’re also the same. Deep down, we are all animals with basic needs and wants, and when we want something, we make it happen.
I often get asked the question, “Wouldn’t he (or she) make time to see me if he really wanted to?” The short answer is yes. Of course, we are all busy, and there are always exceptions to the rule – a business trip, an unexpectedly crazy workweek, an illness, or a friend in town – but generally, if someone wants to see you, a slot of time will be carved out no matter what. Heck, I used to make plans at 10:15 PM when I was in business school. Class got out at 10:00, and I’d have people meet me nearby for a drink when I got out. (And the drink was often much-needed after three hours of cost accounting or entrepreneurship. In hindsight, maybe I should have paid more attention to that class.) I could have gone to bed, but if I wanted to see someone, I made it happen. Even if your eyes are closing, you’ll make the time.
I agree with Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo’s teachings in “He’s Just Not That Into You” – if someone is not making time for you, ignore the excuses and move on. It’s a good lesson to learn, for both men and women. You deserve someone’s time. But I also agree with the Erikaism, “He/she is just that into you.” You’ll know when someone is putting in the time to see you, whether it’s convenient or not. As my mom used to say to me, “Eri, you’ll know when he likes you.”
This brings me back to my client’s question. If a girl (or guy) is making out with you, chances are she likes you. It’s her choice – she could turn her head, say she’s tired, any number of things – but if you two are playing a rousing game of tonsil hockey, it’s her choice, too. It takes two to tango… and kiss.
Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps people navigate the world of online dating. Her services include: writing unique profiles to get you noticed, helping to choose your best profile pictures, writing one-of-a-kind emails to get someone’s attention, and planning dates. A Little Nudge has been featured in The Washington Post, NPR, Talk Philly, Good Day Philadelphia, JMag (JDate's online magazine), and Ask Men. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter for updates and tips.