Q: The man I'm seeing is not putting any effort into our relationship! I know I slept with him real quick. But he doesn't want to go out anymore and expects to lounge around my house while I cook for him, which I haven't done. The other day, he called me selfish. I'm the least selfish person in the whole world! You can ask anyone who knows me, and they'll tell the same. How do I get him to date me again? Help!
Mia: You start by not answering his calls each and every time he reaches out. If you're talking to him on the phone, and he doesn't ask you on a real date, make an excuse to get off the phone. If he texts, take your time answering back -- if you answer at all. If he wants to see you, make sure you do so in a public space rather than let him sit with his feet up on your couch. You've got to get him to put out some effort and invest in the relationship. This may not work, but at least you'll have your pride back. The next time you meet a guy, try to get to know him and also establish emotional intimacy before you become physically intimate. Once you've crossed that line, it's hard to go back.
Steve: This guy could maybe act like a man who truly loved you, but I think what you see now is what you'd get permanently. Time to search for a guy with personality and behavior that fit with you, not just some schlub.
Q: I caught my girlfriend looking at the TV during sex. I lost it after that. What did I do wrong?
Steve: Do you ever talk to her about sex? What she likes? What she doesn't? Watching TV can sometimes work if the topic is sex, but if this was a news story or a good movie, it suggests you don't routinely ask your girlfriend if she is interested at the moment. Talk to her on where to hook up. Remember, both sides on making love should be equal on when and why.
Mia: What did you do wrong? Probably everything. Remember the old saying, "Nothing changes if nothing changes." Start by removing the TV from your bedroom. Nothing distracts more from what should be going on in your bed than an idiot box blasting the news. The place you sleep should be for just that -- sleeping. Play seductive music like "Doin' It" by LL Cool J, or something by Sade. As the late Teddy Pendergrass would sing, "Turn off the lights. And light a candle. ..." Do you get where I'm going with this? Steve's right about staying in touch with what your sex partner wants at the moment. But you also should do prep work before your woman even slips between your black-satin sheets.
We get letters. Recently, we heard from several of you complaining about Steve's song lyrics. Here's one: "Steve, your song lyrics are annoying. In the future, I will refrain from reading your column if I see song lyrics embedded in your advice column." What do you think? Do you want Steve to stop including song lyrics in his answers? Email us, and let us know what you think.
Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They're also wise to the ways of married life. They don't always agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107 or firstname.lastname@example.org.