Q: I met a nice guy at church of all places, and he's invited me out. I'm excited but nervous. Do I stay at his house or let him come to mine? It's been a while.
Steve: Kinda quick, no? Get to know him as a friend. Find out his values. Are they like yours? Have deep conversations and funny ones, too. Once done with all that, you can discuss relations with him. If, at the end, you both feel close, staying together is fine. If not, then you'll be happy you didn't jump into bed with a bum.
Mia: Yo, what kind church do you go to that condones hopping into bed on a first date? Morality aside, you can sleep with him right away if you want, but what if things don't work out? Will you still feel like attending that same place of worship if your man-of-the-moment has moved on to his next conquest? Steve's right about slowing things down a bit. Nothing good comes from selling yourself so easily. Get to know this man. Develop an emotional relationship, and if it's meant to be, the sex part will fall into place.
Q: I'm dating a really nice guy I met online. I don't think he's the one, but we have a lot of fun together. I'm also seeing another guy I met a year ago. I wrote to you about our lack of sexual chemistry during a snowstorm when I stayed over and nothing happened. We still see each other, but only casually. My question this time is I'm dating them plus a couple of other guys, but none of them is the one. This is getting old but I don't know what to do. My birthday is in a few weeks, and I can't even decide which one to spend it with. Help!
Steve: Did you ever have to finally decide? Say yes to one, and let the other one ride? The solution is easy: Toss the guys who are falling short, and keep looking until you meet a man who is special.
Mia: You haven't met your special guy yet. But since you haven't, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the attention of the multitudes. Play the field. Men do it. Women should, too. Not everyone is in a rush to head down the aisle. You seem to be enjoying things the way they are. As for your birthday, tell the men you date that you will celebrate all month, and then let any of them who want to take you out do so. Enjoy yourself. I know I would. Happy birthday!
Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They're also wise to the ways of married life. They don't always agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107 or firstname.lastname@example.org.