Dating: Living conversation to conversation
Isn't it exciting when you meet someone and finally feel that long sought-after connection that you were beginning to think was more rare than an eclipse?
The first date went really well. There’s no question about that. But after the first date, we start to question ourselves. Did she think it went as well as I thought it did? Did he just laugh at my cheesy pun about Sharknado just to be nice? Did she only order that second glass of Malbec to help take the edge off of the painfully awkward silences?
There's only one cure to these concerns, and it's not a therapist... it's communication.
I remember back in the day, I went out with a guy I really liked who we’ll call Dave. We had a few good dates, but when I left each one, I was always unclear about where I stood. I even remember leaving him a voicemail after about the third date and kicking myself afterwards for being too long-winded and rambling about nothing.
Did I even say my name in the message? What if Dave thought, "How can I date a girl who can't even leave a coherent voicemail?" And the kicker was that I didn't hear from him for a day or two after I had left the message. I had already talked myself out of the relationship when he finally called back and, lo and behold, asked me out again. It was a vicious cycle of living conversation to conversation and always being on edge until the next time we talked.
Now picture this instead: You go on a great first date. You grab a few drinks. You have a great connection. There is no way this will not lead to a second date. And before you even have time to over-analyze the situation, you have an e-mail in your inbox (or a voicemail on your phone) the next day saying what a great time your date had, ending with the question of when you’re free to go out again. And so you continue, date after date, communicating and setting up the next date and the next. You have no reason to worry, and that's how it should be.
As my mom always used to tell me, "Erika, when someone likes you, you'll know."
Living conversation to conversation, getting stressed and then put at ease, worried and then relieved, is no way to live. When someone likes you, there are no guessing games. Well, there may be some, but they'll be fun ones, like, “Where did you pick for us to go to dinner tonight?”
As we get older and more mature, playing hard-to-get becomes over-rated. What’s the big deal if you let someone know you like him or her? Nothing! And if you don’t, please be so kind as to let the other person know so the soon-to-be disappointed party doesn’t have to go through the ups and downs that living conversation to conversation causes.
Got burning questions you’d like answered in a future post? Date411@alittlenudge.com
Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps people navigate the world of online dating. Her services include: writing unique profiles to get you noticed, helping to choose your best profile pictures, writing one-of-a-kind emails to get someone’s attention, and planning dates. A Little Nudge has been featured in The Washington Post, NPR, Talk Philly, Good Day Philadelphia, JMag (JDate's online magazine), and Ask Men. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter for updates and tips.