Men welcome assistance with dating

After ending a long-term relationship a few years ago, Justin Goncalves wanted help returning to the dating scene. Meeting women online seemed like too much work, but his preferred way - through friends, at a party - wasn't working, either.

So the 29-year-old personal trainer got a coach. A dating one.

Through a half-dozen sessions over six months, Center City-based Kevin Cook helped Goncalves gain dating-world confidence, learn nonverbal cues (open body language, steady eye contact), and even handle awkward silences.

"Just being more comfortable and relaxed has allowed me to be more in the moment and let conversations flow more," Goncalves said.

Men may have a reputation for pooh-poohing directions, but when it comes to dating, they are more likely than women to seek professional help - whether through a coach, a website, or an app, according to recent statistics.

In 2014, more men than women sought the help of online dating websites - 52.4 percent vs. 47.6 percent, according to a survey by Statistic Brain. And the margins are even wider for apps - 62 percent vs. 38 for women, during the first quarter of 2015, according to a study of location-based dating apps by GlobalWebIndex.

For the year ending in February, the number of male users of Match.com's Profile Pro service grew 39 percent. For $39.95, the dating hopeful work directly with a writer to create a polished profile that aims to attract that perfect gal.

The reasons are simple, experts say. Men are more likely to need help. They're still the ones expected to take the initiative when starting a relationship, and they're less likely to talk tips with their male friends.

Although Cook offers dating advice to both sexes, he started his business five years ago to focus on men.

For four, two-hour sessions, Cook charges $650 to teach clients how to meet women, half of whom want to start with online dating. Cook helps them create an effective online profile, e-mail a woman, and get a phone number or date. He helps them understand why they've failed in the past.

"Then there's the whole idea of attracting the women who they are attracted to, and men aren't very good at that because there is often some kind of fear of rejection that causes them to either try too hard to impress, or play it safe around attractive women, both of which are turnoffs," he said. "They go on dates and they don't turn into second dates. They need to rethink their communication process."

Chicago-based Smart Dating Academy has seen its number of male clients increase tenfold (compared with six for women), from 2013 to 2014, said founder Bela Gandhi, who appears regularly on Steve Harvey as a dating expert. She attributes the client growth to marketing, specifically TV and radio ads, but also the decreased stigma around seeking help, and the positive results people are seeing, she said.

Her fees start at $500 for either a dating profile rewrite or two phone coaching sessions, but the most popular package - three months of profile, photo shoot, or on-call advice - runs $5,000.

That advice includes "less is more" on the first date: Take someone out for a drink and appetizer, not an epic long night. And go on two dates a week - not five. Otherwise, you'll get exhausted.

Coaching for men often includes fashion advice, such as don't wear sweats and flip-flops on the first date.

Gandhi works with women, too, but she finds men to be more proactive and able to reach their goals quicker "because men are genderized to be the ones who have to approach women first." Many male clients call her "coach," and treat her instructions like a player on the field.

"Men are looking for a quicker fix - what am I doing wrong, give me the feedback, and I want to change it," said Ann Demarais, dating coach and author of First Impressions: What You Don't Know About How Others See You. While women will decompress a bad date with their friends, men are more tactical and likely to find a resource - coaching, a seminar, book, or blog, she said.

Demarais also runs a coaching and social skills business - 65 percent to 75 percent of her clients are male, she says - that offers an "Interpersonal Style Survey" ($195 at firstimpressionsconsulting.com). Clients' friends, family, and colleagues fill out a questionnaire about their interpersonal style, and the client gets honest feedback about what people think of their skills.

But men don't have to drop lots of money for advice. San Francisco-based dating website Coffee Meets Bagel offers clients free tips on their photos and profiles, and for most people, that's the perfect amount of advice, said Dawoon Kang, cofounder. She gets an equal number of questions from men and women, but has discovered that men need more help when it comes to their profile pictures - too many include, bafflingly, a woman in the picture, a turnoff to potential dates.

"It's basic common sense. We go to parties all the time and talk to new people all the time, so as long as we can do that, we can apply those same principles into our dating profiles," she said.