Destroy diary that mentions her lover?
DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, my wife began an emotional affair with a co-worker. It lasted a year, until he left the company. Although they never had sex, they did have some physical contact that most people would consider inappropriate, and my wife considered ending our marriage because of the feelings she had for him. She now says the episode was a huge mistake and she loves me more than ever.
The problem is, she wrote many entries about him in a journal. I know she kept writing about him several years after they lost contact, including saying that she loved him more than a year after he'd left.
I want my wife to remove the portions of the journal pertaining to this guy. She doesn't want to. I'm still hurting from this and am considering counseling.
- Considering Counseling
DEAR CONSIDERING: Because you are still hurting seven years after the fact, stop "considering" counseling and get it now.
If your wife is a serious journal writer, that she would want her writings to remain intact in spite of the fact they reflect her emotional affair is not unusual. If that's the case, instead of insisting she edit or destroy her journal, my advice is to stop reading it.
DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago I met "Maggie," and she fulfilled everything I had ever dreamed of (including bringing a wonderful 4-year-old little girl into my life). Last April, she had surgery. Complications set in, and I lost the only person who ever mattered, aside from our little girl.
My question is, since we were never married, how do I refer to Maggie when relating what happened? I am in the process of adopting her daughter and explanations to strangers are tough.
- Grieving in Missouri
DEAR GRIEVING: It would be accurate to refer to her as your late significant other, your partner or longtime girlfriend. As to how to respond to adoption questions, my first suggestion would be to ignore the question. The second would be to avoid such a person in the future, and the third would be to reply, "I love her like a daughter, want to make sure she's secure and provided for, and that's why I'm doing it."