Ex is stalking her & dating her cousin

D

EAR ABBY:

About a year ago, I stopped seeing a man I'll call "Vince." Since then he has been stalking me. He sends me texts with photos he took of us while we were dating, but distorts them to make me look like I'm stabbing him in the heart. He sends videos with my head on a dancing Barbie doll. My neighbors tell me they see him drive past my house. (He lives across town.) I refuse to talk to him now because he scares me.

Vince has now begun making moves on my cousin "Nancy." She says their relationship isn't romantic, but others have told me they have seen them cuddle at restaurants and parks. He still continues to send me scary pictures and emails.

How can I tell Nancy about this without her thinking it's jealous retaliation against their new relationship? I honestly believe he is getting close to her only to spite me and keep an emotional hold on me. His relationship with her has made me afraid to tell her about my personal life or hang out with her for fear that he'll show up with her.

- Confused in Oregon

DEAR CONFUSED: I don't blame you for feeling intimidated, which is what your stalker is trying to accomplish.

You can put an end to it by having your neighbors document his "drive-bys" and turning the pictures, videos and any other communications Vince has sent you over to the police. If he sent them via U.S. mail, the postmarks on the envelopes (and fingerprints) will prove what he has been up to. It may take a restraining order to put an end to this.

As to his relationship with your cousin, I agree that if she has feelings for him, she'll be reluctant to believe anything you tell her isn't sour grapes. However, if you show her the texts he's sending you - I presume they're time-stamped - she may believe you.