Saturday, April 19, 2014
Inquirer Daily News

Tell Me About It: Why stay with selfish 'boyfriend'?

 It´s always about what makes him happy. (iStock)
It's always about what makes him happy. (iStock)

Question: I have been seeing someone very nice and we have a lot of fun together, but when it comes to intimacy, we are always fighting. He is not very loving, is not affectionate (will hold my hand on occasion, and say I look nice, and we will sit next to each other to watch a movie). He does not share any emotions, and if I ask for a feeling, he freaks out and says "no questions." When we are together, once a week maybe, it's more like a service without emotions. He never stays the night, must sleep in his own bed, will not even shower in my home, goes home and even locks the bathroom door.

He has never been married and takes care of his mother - but she takes care of him, cooking, cleaning etc. It's always his way in the food we eat, what we do, etc. It's always about what makes him happy.

I was married many years; I know how to compromise. I lived in an unhappy, uncaring marriage. I know I should walk away, but he has my heart and I do not want to be alone.

Will time make a difference? Am I an idiot?

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    Answer:  Given that the only significant romantic attachments you describe are with men who are stingy with their affection - and that's being too kind - I'm going with: No, time won't make a difference.

    Not because this guy will remain the same (he will), but because you will remain the same: choosing cold men, only to bemoan their lack of warmth.

     This is why therapy exists - to dig out why you're actively making choices that deny you what you say you want out of life.

     


    tellme@washpost.com

    Carolyn Hax
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