He's 'Dateless,' but it might not be his fault

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I read the letter you ran from "Dateless in Dayton." We have a few thoughts for him and anyone else who is having bad luck getting responses on dating websites.

Even though we deactivated our memberships in the dating sites we were part of, we still get emails daily that " 'So-and-So' sent you a message." It appears these sites still show our profiles as active. So it's entirely possible that the women "Dateless" has contacted were inactive or expired members who were never able to see his messages.

We would like to reassure "Dateless" that the problem may not be him. We would also like to encourage him not to give up. He needs to get out there and do the things he loves because he may end up meeting someone that way. If he covers all his bases and is himself, he'll do OK.

- Hoping to be Helpful in Alabama

DEAR HELPFUL: Other experienced users shared their stories:

DEAR ABBY: I can tell "Dateless" why he's not getting "thanks, but no thanks" notes from the women he contacts: Those women are most likely overwhelmed with responses.

Ten years ago, I signed up on a dating site, then left the house to run some errands. When I came back a couple of hours later, I had 75 responses! I can only imagine how many responses women get today with online dating even more popular than it was then.

- Settled Down in Illinois

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to suggest that "Dateless" consider that many people don't check their dating site often - or ever. I signed up on a site in August and stopped looking at it in October. Then I forgot my password and could never look again.

- Over it in Tampa

DEAR ABBY: Sadly for "Dateless," many of us women who are also attempting online dating have learned the hard way that any response can quickly encourage a stalker who emails us or sends instant messages relentlessly.

- Pam in Phoenix