With Halloween quickly approaching, our thoughts turn to costumes, trick-or-treating, and other fun-filled activities. For some children, however, Halloween can stir up fears, as well as excitement. And  the  ways  in  which  children  express  those  fears  can  vary  widely  with  some  unexpected  behaviors  manifesting  themselves.

      For  instance,  some  children  may  not  want  to  cover  their  face  with  any  mask  while  others  may  love  those  gruesome  Halloween  masks. Other  children,  while  in  costume,  seem to take on the fierce personality of the character they are depicting.

   These children are possibly dealing with fears in ways that are not typical of a fearful child.  So, in a sense, Halloween and all of the magical, mysterious and fanciful costumes and stories that accompany the holiday, may provide a way for children to work on conquering some of their fears.

   Fear is a very real emotion for children.  In addition to monsters, strangers and the dark, some fears of school-aged children are burglars, fires, heights, social rejection, being criticized, failing, not being liked and being alone.  It is also helpful to know that at any age, a child’s fears may surface and resurface.  
How can mom help?

   An excellent book for identifying and understanding your child’s fears is “When Your Child is Afraid,” by Dr. Robert Schachter and Carole Spearin McCauley.  Schachter and McCauley state that “knowing about your child’s fears and learning what you can do to help reassure a frightened youngster is one of the most valuable skills a parent can have.” 

   Parents need to respect a child’s fears even if they appear insignificant, because for a child, they are very real.  Empathize with the child, reassure him, and do not pay undue attention to the fear. 

   Try not to embarrass the child by ridiculing his feelings.  As your child grows, empower him with constructive skills for dealing with frightening situations.  Also, as your child gets older, encourage him to discover, perhaps through problem exploration, his own solutions for managing or conquering fear. 

  When it comes to getting children excited about and ready for Halloween, considering children’s uniqueness and the possible fears they may have can help to prepare parents for any surprising or unexpected behaviors.
 
   Keep in mind that not all of a child’s behaviors will fall neatly into any one category.  Children have their own personalities and temperaments.

   Learning to understand the unique make-up of your child can help you to establish more realistic expectations and possibly ease anxieties, frustrations or pressures experienced during the holiday, like the time you spent hours making a costume, only to have your (temperamentally sensitive) child not wear it because it was too itchy or didn’t feel right.

  Or the time all of the other children had their costumes on for the school parade while your (temperamentally slow-to-warm) child paraded in his street clothes.  Or the time when your child didn’t want to trick-or-treat and preferred to stay home instead.  Or the time when, well, you get the picture.

  Finally, perhaps you and your child can enjoy the holiday in your own special way, not based on what anyone else may be doing or expecting of you, but based on what’s comfortable for you and your family.

  Despite the possible fears that Halloween may bring, by taking the time to explore ways to minimize fear during the holiday, it can indeed be happy, stress-free, and non-frightening.

  Deanna Bosley is a certified parenting educator with the Center for Parenting Education.

   For more information on helping children deal with fears, call the Center for Parenting Education at 215-657-5720 or visit the Web site at www.CenterforParentingEducation.org.