You just got engaged and now visions of your wedding dance in your head – champagne and roses, hors d’oeuvres and a live band, you and your betrothed decked out in finery and surrounded by all the ones you love. But as you tabulate the cost of the bar, flowers, catering, entertainment, dress and more, it quickly becomes clear that accommodating all those loved ones will most likely land you in bankruptcy. Whether trimming a guest wish list from 300 to 200, whittling away 200 to 100 or setting your maximum at 25, most brides are faced with tough choices dictated by budget. How do you gracefully decide who gets to share in your special day?

“Start with the absolute bare minimum,” says Samantha von Sperling, director of Polished Social Image Consultants in Manhattan. “Your immediate family and wedding party, if any. Start with this core group and then work your way out. Include grandparents, then aunts, uncles and first cousins, then extended family and friends.”

If your original guest list includes 200 people, but you can only afford 150 – so the matter becomes deciding between your friends – ask yourself who will be in your life 10 years from now, says von Sperling. As much as it may seem like a smart move at the moment to include well-connected folks from work or casual acquaintances such as your favorite hairdresser, she recommends you delete the people who are mainly political maneuvers in favor of someone like your best friend since you were 5 but whom you don’t see that often.

But some couples are faced with a situation in which they are far closer with their friends than their family. When forced to decide to who’s in and who’s out in this scenario, it’s important to consider who’s going to be affected, says Anna Post, the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post and author of “Emily Post’s Wedding Parties: Smart Ideas for Stylish Parties, From Engagement to Reception and Everything in Between” (Collins, October 2007).

“What’s the best choice for the group as a whole,” says Post. “Weddings are a precedent setter. If you’re angry with a relative and you choose to exclude them, it will be much harder facing them at Thanksgiving. Even if you don’t savor them now, have them come – it’s a healing thing.”

Consistency also is important, says Post. If you invite one aunt, you should invite them all. And if you make a decision not to invite children, never make an exception. People who did go out of their way to find and pay for a baby-sitter will be upset. It’s OK to have a stand-by guest list, she adds, but she advises against it – the late date for these invites can get in the way of proper planning, and if people find out, they will be hurt.

Once you’ve made your final decision and the invites are out, Post says that it isn’t necessary to broadcast an exclusion. “If you hear through the grapevine that someone is hurt or if you guess in advance that someone will be hurt, you can call them,” she says. “Tell them you know it doesn’t feel very good, but explain your situation. People tend to understand.”

Von Sperling suggests that you proactively reach out to any closer friends that you had to leave out, explaining that your wedding is mostly family, but consider throwing another, simple event so that you can still share your union with these people. However, if it’s really important to you to have lots of special people in attendance at your actual wedding, think about your priorities.

“Would you rather share your wedding day with an extra 10 guests or have super-duper expensive invites,” asks von Sperling.

Thinking about what matters most to you will ensure the very best bash for your budget.