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Revealing a cheater costs her a friend

DEAR ABBY: What are the ethics in outing a cheater? Someone I know has been cheated on by her boyfriend for two years — about as long as she has been with him.

DEAR ABBY: What are the ethics in outing a cheater? Someone I know has been cheated on by her boyfriend for two years — about as long as she has been with him. I know this because the woman he has been cheating with is someone I know.

Last week, I told the girl her boyfriend has been cheating. Now I am suddenly a pariah and an outcast. I felt she had the right to know, but was I wrong? Should I not have told her?

— Annoyed in Chicago

DEAR ANNOYED: In this age of social diseases, I don't think it's wrong to tell someone that a boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating so he or she can be tested. However, as you have discovered, doing it is risky.

There's a saying, "Don't kill the messenger," that's been around forever. It implies that a person who delivers unwelcome news will be blamed for it. WhileAlthough you and I would want to be told that we were being betrayed, obviously, your former friend didn't, which is why you're being punished.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I live in a duplex. We manage it, live in the lower unit and have three tenants upstairs.

One of them, whose bedroom is directly above ours, recently got a girlfriend. Aside from some loud video-game playing, he was always the quietest guy and has never been disruptive. But since he and this girl got together, they have been disturbing the entire house with their noisy lovemaking. It starts with a few bangs against the wall that become constant, and then the screams start.

I have no idea how to approach this respectfully and professionally. Please give me your thoughts.

— Bothered in Bozeman, Mont.

DEAR BOTHERED: Write the tenant a short letter explaining that there is now a noise problem that didn't exist before. Explain that the screams of ecstasy have awakened you and your boyfriend more than once, and ask him to "lower the volume." If an accommodation can't be reached, the lovebirds might want to consider moving to a place of their own