Mother and daughter need to declare a wedding truce

DEAR ABBY: Once I announced my engagement, my already thin, fit mother went on a diet and lost 20 pounds. My weight has always been an issue with her, and I can't believe she would draw attention to it in this way.

She called me a bridezilla because I told her I think she's trying to showboat my wedding because she's the one with the insecurity issues. I would have been happy to elope, but she insisted on this big wedding to show off to her friends and "recoup the gifts she gave to their kids."

How do we get through the next six months and keep our already fragile relationship intact?

– Daughter of Momzilla

DEAR DAUGHTER: Weddings are supposed to be about the happy couple, not a means for a third party to "recoup" gifts she gave to her friends' children. If you feel you would be happier eloping rather than be miserable "going on with the show," that's what you and your fiance should do. However, if you do decide to go through with the wedding, you and your mother should agree there will be no further discussion about weight – hers or yours. Period.

News about a death

DEAR ABBY: I came into work Monday morning to the news that one of my co-workers had passed away the day before from a massive heart attack. I was shocked and saddened. I was also appalled that my employer posted her death on Facebook less than 24 hours later.

I don't feel that this is an appropriate forum to announce a death, and I also don't think it was my employer's responsibility to notify the world. In my opinion, the family should notify the public if they choose. Are there any rules of etiquette regarding social media and announcing a co-worker's death?

– Sad news in California

DEAR SAD NEWS: Of course it is the prerogative of family members to post that kind of news. Ideally, your employer should have waited an extra day or two to allow the family to get the word out. However, unless a family member complained to you about what your employer did, you shouldn't be so quick to judge.

While you have experienced a shocking loss, your boss has, too, particularly if the employee was a longtime one. That he/she shared it on social media isn't surprising these days, considering how much information is being posted online, nor was it a breach of etiquette.

Now a threesome

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend nearly 19 years, and we both agree that we don't want marriage. I just found out that for the last nine months he has been seeing someone else on his lunch break.

He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me, but he loves her, too, and she is his friend. He said he would stop the affair, but because she's his friend, he won't stop texting and seeing her "as a friend."

Should I trust what he is saying? We don't have kids together, but we raised his two and my one together as our own.

– Silent pain

DEAR PAIN: Should you trust that your boyfriend won't resume the affair with his "friend" – or that he has stopped it? I don't think so. Although the two of you aren't formally married, you have had an understanding that lasted almost 19 years, and he has breached it. You now must decide whether you want to be part of a "threesome," and for that, you have my sympathy.

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