DEAR ABBY: I have been married for three years to a woman who is very beautiful inside and out. (We have been together for six years.) Recently, I found out she is addicted to pain meds - and two months ago she confided that she had gotten hooked on heroin.
I set up an intervention to get her into rehab. But when the time came to go, she kept putting it off. She said she wanted to get high "one more time," so I told her OK, as long as she did it at home so I'd know she was safe. After she injected herself, she went limp, so I called 911 and got her into the hospital.
It is now two months later, and she is back. I love her dearly, but I no longer desire to be intimate with her. How do I tell her I will always stand by her but no longer want to be intimate? She's younger and still has a strong sex drive.
- Lost That Part in the East
DEAR LOST: The news should be conveyed in the office of a licensed marriage and family therapist. Though your sexual problem may result from the shock of seeing your wife nearly die in front of you, there may be more to it. You say she is "younger and still has a strong sex drive." This suggests you are older and your lack of desire might to some extent be age- or hormone-related.
The two of you have a lot of talking to do about your feelings and your future. It would be better if it's done with the help of a trained moderator.
Also, if your wife was sharing needles, you both need to be tested for any diseases she may have contracted.
Grandparents believe their own fabrications
DEAR ABBY: My parents and my wife's parents both live 20 minutes from us. Both sets of parents purposely moved to be close to us. The problem is both sets of parents tell people the few times we are together how often they see their grandkids - which is simply not true.
Mom talks as if she sees them multiple times a week, although she generally sees them less than once a month. She does watch my niece three days a week, but to hear her tell it, all her grandkids fall into that category. My wife's parents see me, my wife and our two kids about twice a month, but also tell others it's "all the time." Then, when we do meet, they ignore the kids!
I am bothered about it for two reasons: They are taking undue credit for "helping us out," and, second, I'm sick of having heard for the last 12 years how "lucky" my kids are to have such wonderful grandparents. It caused us to miss out on help from extended family because they thought my wife and I were already receiving so much.
Is there a nice way to say to my parents/in-laws that the story they are selling is fiction? We do love them. All we would like is for them to help out the way they claim to.
- Sick of the Fiction
DEAR SICK OF THE FICTION: I find it strange that both sets of in-laws would relocate to be close, and then not follow through on trying to be close. I also don't know why your parents would loudly take credit for the things they haven't been doing. If you want to end the fiction, tell the extended family the truth and explain that you really do need their help and why. You should have done it years ago.