Irked: Grandma banned from posting baby's photos online
Adapted from a recent online discussion. Question: At first, my son and daughter-in-law permitted me to post baby pictures on Facebook, then they asked me not to. My daughter-in-law feels that posting pictures "violated the baby's privacy." How much privacy is a 2-year-old entitled to? I'm not talking about naked pictures or embarrassing videos of a teenager stoned after dental surgery.
Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Question: At first, my son and daughter-in-law permitted me to post baby pictures on Facebook, then they asked me not to. My daughter-in-law feels that posting pictures "violated the baby's privacy." How much privacy is a 2-year-old entitled to? I'm not talking about naked pictures or embarrassing videos of a teenager stoned after dental surgery.
I could understand it if they felt posting was unsafe. They said something about "waiting until she is old enough to decide." This makes no sense to me. Will a 5-year-old have better judgment? Will a 10-year-old be angry because of what we allowed her to do at 5?
Let me be clear - I will abide by their wishes. But I enjoyed posting. It makes me sad not to be able to. Other methods of sharing sound simple, but are not simple to my friends and family, so this poses a hardship, even though it sounds trivial.
It would be easier to take if I understood the reasoning behind the ban, so maybe you can help me see.
Answer: There are great reasons not to post kid photos online, including the risk they'll be used by bad people and the creation of a permanent digital profile of a person who has no say in your doing that. You can read more here: (http://bit.ly/PrivPix), (http://bit.ly/PrivPix2), (http://bit.ly/PrivPix3), (http://bit.ly/PrivPix4) and (http://bit.ly/PrivPix5).
I think I just swept the Let Me Google That For You olympics.
It's good you see that respecting their wishes is reason enough not to post. But I hear the contempt for your daughter-in-law in your "Will a 5-year-old have better judgment?" line of inquiry. Maybe you don't actually feel that way, but if I'm getting that impression, then you can assume she is, too, so if there's a functioning relationship to save, it's all the more urgent that you just trust her judgment and drop this.
It's an important attitude tweak, from "I don't get it, so you need to explain it to me" to "I don't get it, but I trust you know what you're doing." To have faith in her as a parent is the gold standard.
I will also add that yes, 10-year-olds do get angry about things relatives posted before they were old enough to stop them. Kids care very much about what's out there.
Finally: I won't sign on to the term "hardship." It's an inconvenience at best.
Comment: Kids can get super mad about all the pictures documenting their entire growth process on Facebook. Some teens post their every move, I know. But they still might not appreciate the childhood photos.
Adding to their discomfort and anxiety is the fact that it is very hard if not impossible to remove the digital record of themselves, especially if it is posted throughout different people's pages.
Reply: And for the teens who post their every move, that's their choice. Very different from having others do it for them, even if it's the very same picture being posted. Thanks.
Comment: My guideline: I never post a picture of someone without their permission. Some people never want pictures posted. Some people always want pictures posted. And some decide at the moment. Basic respect.
Reply: Perfect.
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