Diary of a Transition: Drea wears a dress

Third in an occasional series documenting Dréa Baldini's transformation over the next two years. To read the first and second installments click here.

Dréa Baldini assumed the first time she would wear a dress would be to a party, a swank restaurant opening, possibly as a bridesmaid, or better yet, on a date.

But life didn't turn out that way.

Baldini, a transwoman and owner of André Richard Salon and ARS Parlour in Midtown Village, made her inaugural dress debut at her younger brother's memorial service.

Drew Sellers, Baldini's youngest sibling, died at 26 from a heroin overdose in late February. As Sellers' closest relative, Baldini was tasked with planning the somber goodbye.

So, on a clear night in early March, Baldini received about a dozen family members, many of whom were seeing her as a woman for the first time. She wore an appropriate black, Forever 21, ankle-length dress to greet people at the Glenolden funeral home.

"Life didn't care that I was in transition," Baldini said over a panini this month. "It just keeps happening. And through all of this, I've learned that people are transitioning with me. I have to be just as patient with them as they have to be with me."

Seven months ago, Baldini, 43, started taking female hormones, officially embarking on her journey to full-time womanhood.

Once a bulky, bald, Mustang-driving dude's dude named André, Drea is now 35 pounds lighter, crow's-feet-free, and maintaining some beauty routines that include shaving her body hair once a week, and keeping Tuesday and Friday morning standing appointments at the Bala Cynwyd Hair Club, where she alternates between shoulder-length blond and brown tresses.

In late January, Baldini got 750-cc silicone breast implants surgically inserted over chest muscle, squarely placing her in the DD range. The incisions had a difficult time healing, and she faced the possibility of having them removed and starting all over again. That, she said, would have been devastating.

"I was that little boy who sat in front of the mirror praying for his breasts to grow," she said with a slight smile and a tilt of her mousy brown mane. "I wondered, is this what feeling dewomanized feels like?"

But it all worked out.

Over the months, Baldini has been gesturing more with her gel-manicured hands that gravitate toward orangey hues. And although she says she's completely comfortable in her feminine skin, there have been some awkward moments that serve as reminders that Baldini is still a way off from her ideal, Sofia Vergara aesthetic.

Sometimes her walk - in heels - can sound heavy, and even appear exaggerated, and her laugh is often a bit too hardy-sounding for a woman. Sometimes you can see the bulge in her size 9 jeggings, and there are moments when the still-there, yet slight, 5 o'clock shadow shows through.

"I'm not a cis-female," Baldini says, referring to the term that defines women who were born biologically female. "I'll never be a cis-female. I'm a transwoman!"

She admits that allowed her to romanticize the female experience in the early days. Now, however, she sees it's not that easy.

As an openly transwoman, she meets a lot of men who are interested only in sex. And to Baldini's surprise, there are many days when she just doesn't feel like putting on her full face. In her case, that's particularly important because it can make the difference between being referred to as "sir" or "ma'am."

"One morning, I didn't have any coffee," Baldini said, "and I really wanted my coffee and I had a choice: Do I get it all together? Or do I put on some sweats and just go out there and get my coffee?"

And political events of the last month have made her keenly aware of the realities of discrimination. Baldini started using the women's room in November. But if she lived in North Carolina, that would be illegal.

"They used to say that homosexual men were pedophiles, Baldini said. "That is what they wanted to teach people. They think we are perverted. This has nothing to do with having sex with anyone. Gender is not about having sex. This is not a perversion."

This month, Baldini attended an Equality Pennsylvania pizza party to celebrate Gov. Wolfe's signing an executive order that makes it unlawful to discriminate against state workers who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.

"We invited her because she is so fabulous," said Daye Pope, a transgender rights organizer at Equality Pennsylvania. "She's vivacious and full of life, and she's going out there and making her way. She's a really great person and role model."

The bottom line, Baldini said, is that she's the same person inside, but her filter has changed. And with that new, improved, and wholly authentic filter, she's living the life she wants. In February, she watched her trans-idol, Caitlyn Jenner, speak at the University of Pennsylvania. She ordered Jenner's MAC lipstick the first day it was available. And this week, she launched a beauty blog that gives makeover tips to trans people.

Baldini is also convinced her newfound transparency helped her deal with the pain that comes from the loss of her brother. She is proud that she was able to connect as an aunt with his 7-year-old son, Brandon Bosco. Baldini's own uncle, an often conservative Christian, said he was proud of his niece, whom he met for the first time that sad March night.

"I don't look at Drea as being a sinner," said James Meehan, 58, of Drexel Hill.

"I see her as being an individual who had choices to make. She's doing something about it. She's beautiful just the way she is."

ewellington@phillynews.com
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