Tell Me About It: Just roll with regions' customs on using honorifics
Adapted from a recent online discussion. Question: I grew up in the Midwest, and we always called adults Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname. We now live in the South, and the thing down here is to have kids call adults Mr./Miss Firstname. This feels too informal to us, and we would prefer our kids use the Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname construction (with the exception of close family friends who are just Firstname).
Question: I grew up in the Midwest, and we always called adults Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname. We now live in the South, and the thing down here is to have kids call adults Mr./Miss Firstname. This feels too informal to us, and we would prefer our kids use the Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname construction (with the exception of close family friends who are just Firstname).
I would think it's my choice to have my kids use Mrs. Lastname, but by that logic, the other mom could have her kids use Miss Firstname for me, but to me that is not super respectful. It's not flat-out disrespectful, it just seems informal.
Being a military family, we move frequently, which means a constantly rotating set of people in our lives, so this comes up often. Any suggestions? Is this one of those symptoms of adults' wanting to seem hip and cool to their kids, or a regional thing, or something that will correct as kids get older and we have fewer toddlers around? It just seems like such a preschool thing to use the Miss Firstname construct. Just tell me if I'm being crotchety. Also, get off my lawn.
Answer: Two words: code switch. I urge you to consider teaching that concept to your kids. There are things you talk about at home but not in public, among close friends but not with strangers, among peers but not authority figures, etc.
And when in the South, it is respectful to use the Miss Firstname construct - respectful of local custom. And it's respectful to be gracious when children call you Miss Firstname, too.
Then, when you move somewhere else, observe and process and decide how to adjust. What a great opportunity you have with the relocations that come with military life. Your kids can become fluent in many customs, or at least keen observers - something they'd likely do anyway, just by being kids, but if you name it and attach value to it, it can really help build up their concept of who they are to encourage respect for other customs.
Granted, it's a harder road than just deciding how you'll talk and then applying those rules at all times, but in the end, I think it makes things easier when more complicated social groups come into play. (Exhibit A: Locker rooms. Ugh.)
Comment: As a New Englander who is also an Air Force brat, I am baffled at the concept that someone who moved to the South assumes that Miss Firstname is an urban, hip thing. Have they never read To Kill a Mockingbird or other books or watched TV or a movie? It's similar to the Coke versus pop debate, and I cringe at the idea of the family traveling overseas and dealing with the cultural differences and expectations there. Thank God my parents taught us to roll with it, always be nice, always say "please" and "thank you," and never, ever assume someone means malice toward you unless proved otherwise.
Answer: Or assume hipsterism, which I hope isn't equated to malice, all temptation aside. Thanks muchly.
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