Tell Me About It: An only child takes offense at comments
Adapted from a recent online discussion. Question: I am an only child. A lot of my friends and family are having kids, and sometimes people will ask whether they plan to have more than one. Their response is often, "We don't want an only child."
Question: I am an only child. A lot of my friends and family are having kids, and sometimes people will ask whether they plan to have more than one. Their response is often, "We don't want an only child."
It is difficult to know what, if anything, I can say. I think it comes across as insensitive. My husband thinks I am looking to be insulted. Any thoughts?
Answer: I think comments like this put you at a crossroads, and you're choosing the "take-offense" route.
There is another route available, where you forgive the speaker for bad phrasing; presumably you wouldn't take offense at, "We'd like our child to have a sibling," right? That would be a compliment to their experience with sibs vs. a swipe at your experience without them. Or even, "We think it will be easier on us if we have two, so the kids can entertain each other."
Another route you can choose is to stick up for yourself, lightly: "Hey, I was an only child. It wasn't that bad. It has its advantages."
In other words, you can choose to think like an ambassador instead of a victim.
By doing that, you might earn the gratitude of these (prospective) parents. Whether they plan to have more than one child is none of anyone's business and can touch some hidden nerves of a different sort - what if stopping at one makes sense for them but they feel pressured to produce a sibling? By shifting the topic to the joys of your childhood, you'll be offering relief to the friends being grilled.
Comment: As an only child in the same boat, I often use humor: "You definitely don't want an only child. Look how they turn out." Everyone laughs, point gets made, subject gets changed. Easy.
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