Minorities entering elite prep schools brace for culture shock

A group of students gathered around Bri McGee, crowding in uncomfortably close, eyes wide and hands outstretched.

"Oh, my God, is that really your hair?" one exclaimed. "You gotta touch it!" another cried.

This study in awkward interracial dynamics was only a staged scenario, designed as a teachable moment. But McGee and others, students of color at elite college-prep schools, said it's typical of their day-to-day interactions.

They were gathered in a similarly rarefied clime, the idyllic Main Line campus of Rosemont College, for an orientation run by A Better Chance, a nonprofit that helps underserved minority students access top-quality private- and public-school educations that might otherwise be out of reach.

These can be life-changing opportunities - but also experiences of profound culture shock. So 33 current students, like McGee, were there to help the 200 teens entering prep schools for the first time navigate their impending outsider status.

While the orientation has taken place annually almost since the nonprofit's founding in 1963, the language has changed (now, there's talk of micro-aggressions), as has the climate in which students are coming of age.

"The fundamental challenges are the same. Talking about race and diversity is a constant," said Keith Wilkerson, the organization's Mid-Atlantic program manager, based out of Philadelphia. "But in the shadow of Mike Brown and the Baltimore riots, the context of how we prepare students for that changes. We want students to have a voice. We don't want them to feel responsible for speaking for their entire race, but we do want them to be able to express how they feel about these events . . . in an appropriate and effective way."

He has about 100 new students enrolled in his region this year. From Philadelphia, they're going to schools like Episcopal Academy, Penn Charter, and Friends Central. The program includes mentorship and assistance in applying to prep schools and later college, including test preparation, counseling on application essays, and college tours.

Most important, said Martina McPhail, it includes a built-in social network of others navigating the same situation.

McPhail, from West Philadelphia, went to Episcopal Academy through the program, then Haverford College. She's now a program associate with A Better Chance.

On arriving on campus, she was stunned by the sense of entitlement she saw in her peers, and struggled with the rigorous academics.

"You've always been the top of the class and now you're average. That's a big shock," she said. "But I think the big hurdle [for students] is learning to get the most out of the experience and not let it change who they are - not let the experience make them feel less than anyone else."

Catherine Barbour, from the Strawberry Mansion section of Philadelphia, who will be a senior at Friends Central, said the toughest adjustment for her was the taxing course work. "I was so used to naturally being good at school and getting good grades," she said. Friends Central "was a lot more intense. . . . I think the biggest shock was having to ask for help."

But there were also social lessons.

"I have to be open to questions about my culture or my hair or something, and not put up a hard front," she said. "This prepared me for the worst-case scenario."

Inside Rosemont's main auditorium, students worked through some of those scenarios in "Use Your Voice," a workshop led by an A Better Chance staffer and alumna Martina Previl.

She spoke to students about affirmative action; the history of slavery, redlining, and voter intimidation that preceded it; and the lingering resentments it inspires.

Then, it was on to practicalities - like, what exactly is a student to do when others begin touching her hair without permission?

Alexis Landrum, who graduated from Charlotte (N.C.) Country Day School and is heading to University of North Carolina at Wilmington in the fall, said there are options: "This happens to me a lot. You can pet them back, and then they see it's weird. Or, you can just say, 'Please respect my personal space.' "

Other scenarios included what to do when a fellow student invites you to a restaurant you can't possibly afford, how to respond when peers are comparing their lavish spring break getaways, or how to cope with a teacher who puts you on the spot based on your race or ethnicity.

"When in history class you're talking about slavery, everyone will instantly look at you. Or you're talking in English class about civil rights, everyone is like, 'What do you have to say about it?' " said Jaylin Cureton, another recent Charlotte Country Day graduate, bound for Morehouse College. "You're expected to be an advocate for your race."

McGee, who went to a prep school in Atlanta and will attend Georgia College & State University this fall, told the students that sometimes teachers do cross the line. But you can't act out in class.

"You need to know how to approach a teacher. Go to the teacher after class and tell them you're not comfortable. Or go to your parent, and if they say, 'Figure it out yourself,' go to the chair. And if that's not working, you go to the head of the school. That's what I did, and I got everything I wanted."

Previl also discussed how to recognize micro-aggressions in yourself and others.

"It's a very subtle form of racism, to the point that you may not understand what's happening," she said, listing examples that already were familiar to many students. (For example, the phrase, "Oh, you speak so well!" uttered with surprise.)

Tyler Miles, who's from West Philadelphia and attends the Hill School in Pottstown, has learned to cultivate patience, particularly with students who are less aggressive than they are clueless.

"With a large, international student body, including a student who everything he knew about black people came from watching a Tyler Perry movie on the plane on the way over, I get questions," he said.

Helen Tamrat of Upper Darby will be entering ninth grade at Episcopal Academy. She's nervous, but ready to embrace all of the awkward encounters to come. She thinks it will be worth the struggle.

Barbour is determined to help with that transition.

"We want them to have the information so badly," she said.

If she could do it over, "I'd want to be more outgoing, and be myself, and not feel like the first thing I had to do was explain myself."

215-854-5053

@samanthamelamed