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Chick Wit: She's got her heat wraps to keep her warm

I have met the love of my life, and it comes in a box. I'm talking, of course, about ThermaCare.

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I have met the love of my life, and it comes in a box.

I'm talking, of course, about ThermaCare.

For those of you who have yet to fall in love, allow me to explain.

ThermaCare is a heat wrap you can buy in a drugstore. It has some kind of black pods attached to a piece of paper, and you stick the paper on various parts of your body that happen to be aching, like your lower back.

Me!

In no time, the black pods start to heat up and your lower back will not only stop aching, but start feeling loose, relaxed, and ready to twerk.

OK, I'm exaggerating, but the bottom line is, you'll feel better.

While you werk.

At least, I sure do.

Of course, this isn't a scientific explanation of what makes the wraps get hot. I didn't know what was inside the black pods, but so I could be your faithful reporter, I looked it up on the website, and it is evidently pods of iron that begin to oxidize when they hit the air, emitting a low level of heat.

As far as I'm concerned, the black pods could be magic.

Black magic.

I started using the wraps when my lower back started hurting, and the one for your back is like a super-wide paper that fits around your waist and has heating pods on the back. You can wear it under your clothes all day, like the un-sexiest undergarment on the planet.

Think of it as a chastity belt for your back.

It's hot, but not in a good way.

You can also wear it to bed at night and you'll drift into a toasty slumber. Plus you'll save money because you'll never have to turn the heat on. Your dogs will cuddle up to you, because you are the new furnace.

If you get hot flashes, you might start a fire.

Don't ask me how your husband, wife, or significant other will react.

My guess is they'll want one of their own.

I suppose a heating pad would do the same thing, but you can't wear a heating pad to the supermarket and have a telltale slip of paper peeking out from underneath your shirt.

They have ThermaCare for aching knees, elbows, joints, wrists, shoulders, and "multipurpose muscle."

Luckily, none of my muscles are multipurpose.

They have only one purpose.

Which is to relax.

They also have ThermaCare for menstrual cramps, which makes me wish I still had my period.

Just kidding.

And by the way, please don't write me an angry e-mail saying that I'm shilling for a product. I didn't get any money to write this, and I wouldn't accept any. I'm writing this out of love for ThermaCare.

I Care about ThermaCare.

Why?

Because now I'm an addict.

I started using it about a month ago, only at night, and now I have it on continuously. I started out with the heat wraps that last for eight hours but graduated quickly to the ones that last 16. They're expensive, but no junkie complains about the price of heroin.

There are only 24 hours in a day, but if you wear two wraps that last 16 hours apiece, you have the luxury of changing your wrap before your initial high begins to wear off.

The more you have, the more you want.

I sense that I'm not the only addict, because if you look at the frequently asked questions on the ThermaCare website, one was, "How many heat wraps can I use at one time?"

Answer: You can wear more than one, but not in the same location.

Damn.

In other words, if you wrap two around your back, you might spontaneously combust.

You have to be ThermaCareful.