Monday, October 20, 2014
Inquirer Daily News

'Undeserving Mommy' engenders your advice

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Undeserving Title of Mommy," the pregnant woman who was saddened by the fact that she's expecting a baby boy instead of the girl she had hoped for, my heart went out to her. I was reminded of something I had read about, a condition called gender depression or gender disappointment. Unfortunately, this condition isn't widely discussed, in much the same way that postpartum depression isn't talked about.

Many women describe their feelings about gender disappointment on parenting websites. This may be a good start, opening a discussion for this woman on what she is feeling. She should also consider talking to her doctor to find out what resources may be available to her as she works through this.

- Concerned in New Mexico

DEAR CONCERNED: Many women sympathized with "Undeserving." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a son, and when I was carrying him, I felt the same way. I didn't think I could love him like I could love a daughter. But this all changed once I held my son for the first time. I can't imagine now living without my little guy, and I wouldn't change him for the world.

- Understanding Mom

DEAR ABBY: "Undeserving Mommy," you are so lucky to be the mother of a prince. Every princess dreams of marrying a prince. You need to reread the fairy tales and get some counseling.

- Grandmother of Princesses

DEAR ABBY: Even if that child was another girl, there is no guarantee that she would be a girly girl; she could easily be a tomboy, gay or prefer sports to tea parties. There is also no guarantee that the little girl "Undeserving" already has will be a girly girl.

Abby, you were right to advise counseling. This unwed mother shows disturbing signs of living in a fantasy world. And it may well be that the precious baby boy she is expecting would be better off being raised by the father and his family.

- Jane in St. Johns, Mich.

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