After many years, a bully confesses

DEAR ABBY: You said in your column on bullying that you hadn't received a single letter from anyone who had bullied others. Well, I was a bully.

As a young girl I'd tease and taunt, and when I was older I used sarcasm as a way to bully. I was involved in an abusive relationship in my 20s. With support and counseling, I was able to stop being abused and being abusive.

I learned the feelings I had repressed - shame, fear and low self-worth from a childhood of sexual and physical abuse - were misdirected at the people around me instead of at my abuser, my father, as they should have been. I'm not saying this is an excuse for the hurt I inflicted on others, but for me there was a correlation.

I'm now in a loving and supportive relationship. We have raised our children to be kind, thoughtful and confident individuals. I'm involved with an organization supporting nonprofit programs in our community that empower abused children, reach out to the sexually exploited and help women experiencing domestic violence.

Because of the life I lead now, I have been able to let go of the negativity and shame of being abused, but the shame of being abusive stays with me. I hope the people I hurt have forgiven me and have been able to move forward. But I will never know for sure.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story. Even if it doesn't get printed, writing it has lifted a little bit of the weight that I still carry from my bullying days.

- Redeeming Myself Out West

DEAR REDEEMING: Confession is good for the soul, and if getting this off your chest has been helpful, I'm glad. Obviously, you have grown since the days when you were an abuser, and your focus on helping vulnerable people in your community is laudable. I hope you will continue the work that you're doing because there is great need for it.

If your letter makes just one person stop and think twice about why he or she would deliberately hurt or diminish someone else, it will have been worth the space in my column because sometimes those scars can last a lifetime.