With no history, he has no future
DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 50s and am retired from the military. As a young man, I was so shy I couldn't speak to girls. The demands of military life made it hard for me to meet or date anyone.
I can't seem to convince women to date me. They say I "have no relationship history," so I don't know how to compromise or share. I can change my wardrobe, I can lose some weight, but I can't change my "history." What on earth do I say or do to convince women (both online and offline) to take a chance with me?
- Frustrated in Texas
DEAR FRUSTRATED: A man like you has much to offer. You are stable, have no bitter ex-wives who will interfere in a relationship, no children who are still trying to "find" themselves or tell you they hate your lady friends, and no alimony. I assume that after a life in the military, you have taken care of yourself physically.
Perhaps you should mention this to the next woman who tells you she doesn't want to date you because you have no "history." Intelligent women will want to meet you, get to know you, and be willing to help you create a history together. And those women who aren't willing aren't worth your time.
DEAR ABBY: My partner, "Kevin," and I have been together for 12 years. I am 19 years younger than Kevin and very outgoing. I enjoy spending time with friends and socializing. However, if I become friends with someone, Kevin will find something wrong with the person. The friend's gender or sexual orientation has no bearing. I have had to forgo friendships over the years because it's just easier to do that than to argue. What should I do?
- "Dan" in Pittsburgh
DEAR "DAN": Start by recognizing that what Kevin is doing may be a reflection of his insecurity. The next time you become friendly with someone and Kevin starts putting the person down, don't take the bait. Tell him he's entitled to his opinion and if he'd like to join you, he is welcome. If not, you'll see him later. It may help you to establish some independence. Mature adults can do that and still have a healthy relationship.