Anonymous funeral flowers leave grieving widow suspicious

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law died two weeks ago. The services were beautiful. Many people sent flowers, but one arrangement - a bouquet of white flowers - arrived anonymously. Now my mother-in-law has become frantic, sobbing over not knowing who sent them and - we think - suspecting that they came from an old or not-so-old flame.

My in-laws were married for more than 50 years, and it is heartbreaking to see her compound her grief with these thoughts.

Is sending flowers this way unusual? Or are there good reasons to do it?

- Grieving in Georgetown, Texas DEAR GRIEVING: Your mother-in-law is grieving. She is fragile right now, and possibly not thinking straight. A card may have been sent with the bouquet that was somehow lost in transit.

That she was married to her husband for 50 years and now suspects he was unfaithful because of a bouquet of flowers at the man's funeral is a sad reflection on their marriage. She should discuss this with her spiritual adviser, if she has one, or a grief therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I don't go to nightclubs often, so I'm curious as to what the protocol is for this. Sometimes, in the ladies' room, there is a woman there with toiletries, gum, cosmetics, etc. Before you can get your own, she puts soap in your hand and gives you a paper towel. There is a bowl on the counter for people to leave tips. The club manager says that she isn't an employee of the club, but simply looking to make tips. I understand this.

My question: Am I supposed to tip her just once for the evening, or each time I use the ladies' room?

- Inquisitive Clubber in Florida DEAR CLUBBER: Tip the attendant each time you use the bathroom and she hands you the soap and towel - the standard rate is 50 cents to a dollar. However, if you tip the person generously the first time, you shouldn't feel obligated to do it again if you need to return.