DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Lance" for about two years now. We communicate well, have great chemistry and are very affectionate with each other. Lance is kind, creative (he's an artist) and considerate. However, he lacks ambition.
I'm a big thinker who wants big things in life. Lance works in a bar three nights a week and plays video games when I'm not around. I know from our conversations that he is intelligent and capable of doing so much more.
Is there any way to motivate him without nagging?
- Asking too much?
in San Francisco
DEAR ASKING TOO MUCH: If you feel you are selling yourself short by being with Lance, then you probably are. If you would like to motivate him, tell him you think you need to be with someone who has more direction in life. If that doesn't galvanize him to action, nothing will.
DEAR ABBY: After being in a four-year relationship with an alcoholic who was emotionally, verbally and at times physically abusive, I got out. I have moved back with my parents to save money so I can get my own place. When I told my mother about some of the incidents that happened, she said, "I know how you can be." My father seemed more supportive - until recently.
My ex has a son I grew close to, as did my parents. Last week, I found out my ex had contacted them and his son will be coming here for a visit. I'm afraid he's trying to manipulate and torment me while I try to move forward.
- Hurt daughter in Massachusetts
DEAR HURT DAUGHTER: You don't say how long you have been staying with your parents, but if there is no alternative, you need to stick to your plan and stay until you have enough money to rent a place of your own.
When the boy arrives, greet him warmly and spend as little time there as possible. . And as soon as you have enough money to establish some independence, get out of there.