Q: I'm seeing the coolest guy, a basketball player, but we have a problem in bed.
He has sex like he's racing down the court on a fast break. I'm not saying it's bad, it's just that it's a bit much.
I wind up having my head bang on the headboard and afterward I feel all jarred and a little used.
I've tried whispering sweet nothings in his ear to get him to slow down, but if he even listens, that only lasts for a few minutes. Advice?
Mia: Are you complaining or bragging, sister? Jokes aside, since slowing your baller down mid-game doesn't work, engage him in a little pregame warm-up. That's what professional athletes do. They don't run out of the locker room and just start playing. They do layups and practice other skills before the game starts. Point that out to your guy.
If he starts straight up heading for a fast break again, blow that whistle and threaten to bench him.
Steve: Tell him that, in bed, he's allowed to spend more than three seconds in the paint.
Q: I asked my wife to spank me during sex and she turned on the lights and stared at me like I was nuts. That was a few weeks ago and I never brought it up again, but I still want her to do it.
But I'm too embarrassed to bring the subject up again. I get the feeling she thinks I'm some sort of deviant and maybe I am.
Steve: One man's deviance is another man's norm. When it comes to sex, there's a thousand different likes and dislikes and no two people are the same.
Thus, you have to compromise. I bet if you discuss this with her, your wife might be game to try it once a month or so.
Mia: If I were your wife, I'd beat the crap out of you.
But since I'm not your wife, you'll have to talk it through with her. Have the conversation while you're all cuddled up on the couch, maybe sipping a glass of wine.
Ask her what she thought when you mentioned your spanking fantasy. You need to see what her objection is to doing it.
Explain to her how it is that you came to think of the practice as hot. And tell her how you'd like her to do it. Do you want her to use a whip or would you like her to use her hand?
I suggest you start with hands first and then go from there. Good luck.
Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M@phillynews.com or S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.