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Dear Leslie,
I am the office secretary (and then some) in a 50-person office and I work with a great group of people. Several co-workers, including men, will talk to me for a half hour at a time, walk away and then come back and continue talking. Sometimes they are in the office all day and it is painful!
I enjoy talking but I sometimes am under a deadline myself. They also disrupt salespeople who only have a few minutes to spare.
Management and co-workers have reprimanded one of these "talkers" several times. When I've been interrupted I have said I am swamped, I have to go to lunch and I have even tried teasing them about how much they talk. Our manager said to put my foot down, and I try to, but they say, "Ok, just one more thing," and continue on!
Dear Reader,
Regard this as a self-esteem test. You need to stand up for your own needs because no one else will - and that is a common situation. Be less tolerant and more direct. You do not have to be rude, just firm. Say something like, "I'd love to talk to you but I can't right now," return to what you are doing, and refuse to engage them any further. If they return, you can use humor but then continue with your own work. Strengthening your resolve in the relatively friendly atmosphere of your office will boost your overall effectiveness at work and probably have a positive effect on the rest of your life.
SHORT ON SANITY
Dear Leslie,
My co-worker does nothing all day. This person is lazy and whiny and leaves trash everywhere, badmouths coworkers and pits people against each other. Never once has this person taken any responsibility for anything, but rather blames others for mistakes and takes credit for others' work.
I have confronted this person several times in a direct but polite manner with no results. When I told my boss about the situation all hell broke loose. She has done nothing to solve the problem and instead shifted the blame to me. My boss literally told me I needed to get professional help, get laid or use a vibrator as that may make me a nicer person. These comments were made in front of several co-workers.
This situation has taken a huge toll on my family and me. I have been looking for another job for two years. I know it will take time before something better comes along. I have the skills and experience to succeed. How do I deal with this situation in the meantime without losing my sanity?
Dear Reader,
While I agree that your boss's reaction was unprofessional and it might make sense for you to find another job, you also need to take stock of your own reactions. If you are doing your own work, isn't there some satisfaction in that? Letting stress about someone else's performance ruin both your workdays and family life sounds like an unpleasant way to live. Perhaps a therapist can give you some tips for getting a little perspective.
Once you start focusing on your own strengths rather than your co-worker's weaknesses you may relax a little, which should make you more attractive to prospective employers.
Got a problem at work? Leslie Whitaker, co-author of "The Good Girl's Guide to Negotiating," would like to hear from you. Send Leslie an e-mail at leslie@ctwfeatures.com or write to her at P.O. Box 11156, Shorewood, Wis. 53211.
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