Morning Bytes: They signed what there? Oh well. . .

"It's a great old building," said Peter "Boom-Boom" Luukko, president of the sports ownership and management company, "but, amenities-wise, it couldn't provide our visitors with the kind of 21st century experience they deserve. So let's blow 'er up. Yee-haw!"

Details about the new project, tentatively called "Constitution Canyon," were vague. However, sources indicated the park would include such features as a pool bar, where Madeira and grog martinis will be the featured beverages; "Articles of Confederation," a shop selling T-shirts, powdered wigs and knickers; an interactive display where visitors can try to emulate Caesar Rodney's signature; and a roller-coaster, "Mr. Jefferson's Wild Ride."

Since 2002, the 255-year-old building on Chestnut Street has been known as Chickie & Pete's Independence Hall. As part of its marketing agreement, that company made several improvements, including the installation of 36 big-screen TVs.

"The old Pennsylvania State House has served its purpose well," said chairman Ed Snider, who, as a young mason, helped construct the brick building, which opened in 1753. "But as my old buddy Tom might have said, When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one company to dissolve a city's history, yadda, yadda, yadda."

As Comcast-Spectacor officials noted, the hall's landlocked urban locale made parking impossible. There was little room for visitors to tailgate, play beer pong, or purchase balloons filled with nitrous oxide.

This latest news came just days after the company revealed plans to demolish its 41-year-old Wachovia Spectrum and replace it with some cockamamie shopping-hotel-entertainment complex that has as much chance of getting off the ground as Andy Reid.

Officials said they planned to honor the memory of Independence Hall by selling the centuries-old bricks. It's hoped that will raise enough money to permit Comcast-Spectacor to fix the crack in the Liberty Bell.

On second thought. I'd like to take this opportunity to announce my retirement. It's been fun, but it's time for me to spend more time with my family.

Wait, I've changed my mind.

All-star oddities. The pregame festivities at Tuesday's All-Star Game highlighted two events I thought I'd never live to see:

The imminent closing of Yankee Stadium. And grown men kissing George Steinbrenner.

It also was notable for its absences.

Where was Babe Ruth's daughter? The widows and children of Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris? Sandy Koufax?

Pro progeny. If newlyweds Chris Evert and Greg Norman ever have children, those kids . . .

. . . had better listen when their mother vows to give them the back of her hand.

. . . will have to be watched for choking.

. . . will have a huge dentist bill.

A changed Chase? Now that Chase Utley has been caught dropping an F-bomb during Home Run Derby introductions, we wonder how long it will be before he:

A. Alters his facial expression.

B. Utters an interesting quote.

C. Pumps his fist, claps his hands, or smiles after a home run.

Tracking track. Bob Prichard of the Somax Performance Institute pointed out that at the recent U.S. Olympic track and field trials, the women's 100-meter race was won by "the skinniest runner" in the event, Muna Lee.

"This is the first evidence we have seen that steroid usage is actually dropping in track and field athletes," Prichard wrote. "This could usher in a new era where skill and flexibility replace weights and hypodermic needles."

Prichard's study of photos revealed that Lee had a stride angle of 125 degrees, something he said was impossible among more muscle-bound sprinters.

"We haven't seen a 125-degree stride angle since the 1970s," Prichard wrote.

Fitzpatrick at 215-854-5068

or ffitzpatrick@phillynews.com.