Your NewYear’s resolutions — for others
In the spirit of tradition, we wanted to hear your resolutions for 2011. But in the spirit of revelry, we thought it would be more fun - and just as futile - if you made resolutions for other people, strangers and celebrities alike. Here are some from your wish list.
In the spirit of tradition, we wanted to hear your resolutions for 2011. But in the spirit of revelry, we thought it would be more fun - and just as futile - if you made resolutions for other people, strangers and celebrities alike. Here are some from your wish list.
Here’s my resolution for ...
... my dog, Chase Muttley: I will never make my mom chase me around the house to take me out for my walk, and I will never, ever pee on her down comforter again! And I will stop eating my dad's Vibram Five Fingers, because I know they're expensive and his favorite shoes.
... people who promise to return calls and e-mails: Return calls and e-mails!
... people who say "it's in the mail": Make sure it is.
... my former best gal pal and sometime partner/sweetie: Be my true friend and make amends.
... Justin Bieber: I will hit puberty.
... Lady Gaga: I will start wearing nonedible.
... Tim Burton: I will start making original movies again and stop ruining classics for the next generation.
... Mike "The Situation": I will get a real job and leave my shirt on for more than 10 seconds at a time.
... President Obama: I will actually make the "change" that I promised.
... the local police: Resolve to help out those of us trying to stay fit (and alive) by actually enforcing speeding and yield-to-pedestrian laws.
... Charlie Sheen: I will stop drinking.
... Bruce Jenner: I will not get any more plastic surgery.
... Donald Trump: I will hire, not fire employees.
... Ryan Howard: I will not swing at bad pitches.
... Kanye West: I will not interrupt Taylor Swift giving an award speech.
... the Delaware River Port Authority: We will give drivers free rides on the bridge in 2011 — like they have given us 'free rides' for the past 20 years!
... the typical YouTube commenter: I'm going to use proper grammar and respect the opinions of others.
... the teachers at my school: I'm going to stop blatantly playing favorites.
... Stephenie Meyer: I'm going to stop writing books. That'll do, Bella Swan, that'll do.
... people who use their cell phones while driving: Because it is a dangerous habit as well as a complete annoyance, we will stop. We clearly cannot look at a keyboard and observe the road and pedestrians at the same time.