Ryan Howard is:

a) A player in the midst of making history.

b) A great force, even with the strikeouts.

c) The worst first baseman you've ever seen.

d) Destined to flame out and fail.

Rafael Nadal's five-set victory over Roger Federer in the Wimbledon men's final was:

a) Sport at its finest.

b) Diminished by the rain delays.

c) In desperate need of an American.

d) A freakin' tennis match.

Andy Reid is:

a) The best coach in Eagles modern history.

b) Dull by design, stubborn beyond reason.

c) A lousy general manager.

d) Way past his sell-by date and should be fired.

Andre Iguodala is:

a) Worth an enormous new contract. 

b) A jump shot short of greatness.

c) A second banana on a good team.

d) A third banana on a great team.

Phillies ownership is:

a) Spending at the level of its income.

b) Invisible.

c) Cheap.

d) Laughing at you.

Jeffrey Lurie and Joe Banner are:

a) Doing everything they can to win.

b) Sitting on a billion, thanks to you.

c) Hiding behind/too tolerant of Reid.

d) Laughing at you.

Ed Snider is:

a) Unquestionable in his desire to win.

b) Too diversified in his business interests.

c) Living in the past.

d) Laughing at you.

The Tour de France is:

a) Despite everything, still the hardest event in sports.

b) A pleasant enough hangover companion.

c) Dirty, discredited, done.

d) A freakin' bike race.

Golf without Tiger Woods is:

a) Still a great display of skill.

b) Lacking.

c) Unwatchable.

d) Really, really unwatchable.

The Beijing Olympics will be:

a) The greatest, purest example of sport. 

b) Flawed but still compelling.

c) Corrupt filth wrapped in the flag.

d) An irritant during Eagles training camp.

Donovan McNabb is:

a) The greatest quarterback in modern Eagles history.

b) A good man and good soldier.

c) Inaccurate and inadequate.

d) The guy who threw up at the Super Bowl.

The Phillies' current level of performance is:

a) Good - first place is first place.

b) Feast, famine, flawed.

c) Barely acceptable in a lousy division.

d) A mirage.

A Phillies division title will be:

a) Another sign of a franchise hitting its stride.

b) Reason to celebrate.

c) The barely acceptable minimum.

d) Prelude to a disaster.

An Eagles wild-card playoff berth will represent:

a) Another chance to win a title.

b) A disappointment.

c) McNabb's swan song.

d) Reid's swan song.

Twenty-five years without a championship is:

a) A conversation piece, nothing more.

b) A badge of honor for long-suffering fans.

c) A testament to lousy ownership.

d) A freakin' disgrace.

That's it. The scoring is easy enough - one point for each A, two for each B, three for each C, four for each D.

If you scored from 15-22, you are unscarred, unburdened, always looking on the bright side of life. You also are probably new to the region.

If you scored from 23-37, you are a wide-eyed realist. You have seen all of the disappointment, seen it and lived it but, at the same time, refused to become consumed by it.

If you scored from 38-53, you are prone to cynicism, a bit beaten down, influenced by the media. You have booed Pat Burrell, at least considered throwing a snowball at the Vet, and entertained the possibility that the curse of Billy Penn might be real.

If you scored from 54-60, well, you simultaneously live the Philadelphia stereotype and complain that people stereotype you. You will celebrate the next Philadelphia championship for about a week before starting to complain. You are beyond hope. *

Send e-mail to hofmanr@phillynews.com. For recent columns, go to http://go.philly.com/hofmann.