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Elmer Smith: Why Utley's expletive took a bad bounce

IN THE dry cleaners yesterday, a guy asked me what I thought of Chase Utley's profane exultation at the end of the Phillies victory parade.

IN THE dry cleaners yesterday, a guy asked me what I thought of Chase Utley's profane exultation at the end of the Phillies victory parade.

I don't remember my answer. But I'm certain that I did not shed any new light on the subject.

By now, you've heard the full spectrum of reactions, ranging from shock to shrug.

What was more interesting was what the guy in the cleaners said to me.

"I was really surprised," he said. "He's the last guy I would have expected that from."

I knew why he felt that way. But he confirmed it for me.

"He doesn't seem to have much to say."

It's true. He doesn't. But that makes him the perfect pristine canvas on which to imprint our own notions of what he would say if he said anything.

What we have imprinted on

Utley is the earnest workman who performs his job without complaint. He's the guy next to you on the assembly line who quietly screws a nut onto every bolt that passes him.

But isn't this the same guy who, later, gets a layoff notice and comes back to the plant to empty his Uzi at everybody on the 4-12 shift?

"I'm really surprised," his neighbor told a TV reporter. "He never had much to say."

Utley's f-bomb, like all bombs, seemed to come from nowhere.

I heard it on TV with three guys in a poolroom in Maple Shade, N.J. The word is uttered so often in poolrooms, you'd think it was a technical term in billiards.

But even they were shocked.

An average golfer's tongue slips once per round. But they were shocked the first time they heard Tiger Woods fail to delete an expletive after air-mailing his drive into the drink.

Women and children scurried for cover. Grown men looked as if their jaws had come unhinged.

That's because Tiger is nearly invisible between rounds of golf so we get to project on him whatever we want. That wasn't what we expected of him.

I doubt that Chase Utley will suffer any sanctions because of this. Tiger certainly hasn't. In fact it will burnish their image with a certain set that is looking to elevate this form of expression.

The difference, of course, is context. It's one thing to let go a profanity when you stub your toe. It's something else altogether as an expression of joy.

So there's a slight smudge on the blank slate that had been Chase Utley. He lost the advantage of anonymity that served guys like Michael Jordan and Steve Carlton so well.

During his glory years, Jordan gave new meaning to the phrase "Silence is golden." He has managed that mystique into his retirement years, selling as much underwear now as he did as a superstar.

He used to take heat from activists who decried the fact that he never spoke up. But that was because they thought that if he did speak up, he'd say what they'd want him to say.

My favorite silent Phillie was Steve Carlton. Carlton never threw a strike or gave an interview unless it was absolutely necessary.

He used to make big-league batters look silly waving at that slider in the dirt. Writers looked just as silly trying to get him to say something quotable.

But what came out of his mouth when he did finally speak was so bizarre it made Utley's f-bomb sound like polite chatter.

This is a guy who believes that celebrating birthdays makes you old, that the U.S. and the USSR used low-frequency sound waves to control world events and that AIDS was created in a secret lab to get rid of blacks and gays.

You're not going to sell a lot of underwear by uttering views like that. Dropping f-bombs is bad for business too.

I wish Utley hadn't done it. It wasn't what we've come to expect of him.

But at least I know he wasn't keeping silent so he could sell me something. *

Send e-mail to smithel@phillynews.com or call 215-854-2512. For recent columns: http://go.philly.com/smith