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Person to Person: Small steps can reduce stress bigtime

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Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off?

Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Feeling burned out means you feel there is no reward forthcoming. You crank the wheel of life just to survive.

To reduce burnout and regain control, keep in mind that taking lots of small steps to change things works best.

"Big changes seldom work," says a psychologist we'll call Brandon. "I see clients constantly who really believe that one giant move, such as quitting work or getting a divorce, will fix their burnout.

"People I counsel are begging for answers," says Brandon. "For example, one nurse told me she has three small children and she works 12-hour shifts. On top of this, her father-in-law, who has dementia, has just moved into her household."

Brandon offers this advice to people on overload:

Hire a small amount of help, even if your budget is tight. You might, for example, pay a teenager $15 to vacuum your house. Or, you might pay someone $150 to paint your bedroom.

Keep a chart to dole out tasks to family members. Hold a family meeting every two weeks to define all work that needs to be done, and let the kids help name the chores. Divide as many tasks as you can into 10-minute segments (load the dishwasher, clean a bathtub) and let everyone sign up for two or three tasks each day. Yes, it's okay to save up a few until the weekend if schedules are crazy. But make sure everyone has checked off all chores by Sunday night each week.

Ask for help from extended family and friends. For example, if you're dealing with an ill family member at home, try to enlist your siblings or your friends to bring over pizza on Friday nights, even if you have to pay for it. Having other people pitching in and just showing up to visit can bring a sense of comfort and enjoyment.

Brandon emphasizes that engaging other people to help is critical.

"If you're burned out, I can guarantee you that you're trying to do too much all by yourself," says Brandon.

A faith-based counselor we'll call Patricia says that people will benefit by approaching their stress overload in a more aggressive way, too, especially toward a major aggravation of some type.

"What's strange," says Patricia, "is that people are often stressed by what they don't get around to doing. Their job, the busyness, the schedule is not what's killing them. It's the clutter, the piles of laundry, the peeling paint on the garage. They feel they are running, yet falling behind."

A middle school teacher we'll call Rebecca agrees with Patricia. "I've got people coming for the holidays, and my house feels like a mess!" she says. "I've worked like a Trojan all year, but my house is cluttered and everything needs doing at once!"

Rebecca says, though, that she decided last week to dive into the house clutter and make some headway.

"I've been getting up a half-hour earlier and tackling my house issues," Rebecca emphasizes. "I felt the pressure of not doing it was worse than plunging in. So, I pulled out everything from my home office, which is in full view of my kitchen, dusted and vacuumed, and started putting back everything neatly. It took me four days, but I can honestly say this has taken stress off me."

Rebecca summarizes reducing stress overload this way: "Once you've got a plan for change, and you do a little something, this gives you a lighter feeling right off the bat."

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(Judi Light Hopson is the Executive Director of the stress management website USA Wellness Café at www.usawellnesscafe.com . Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.)

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©2014 Person to Person

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