Guidelines for getting your child a cellphone

Is your child ready for a cellphone?

There's no way around it. Sooner or later, most parents will confront the issue of whether to let their children have cellphones, and if so, when?

The good news is there's lots of expert advice available. The not-so-good news is none of it provides the answer. That's because no one answer is right for all parents and all kids.

On this question you're on your own - and, unlike the age for legally driving and buying alcohol, there aren't any laws to back you up.

One thing is sure: It shouldn't be based on the number of times your daughter tells you, "All of my friends have one." Or, for that matter, how many of your friends have given their kids' phones.

A way around this sticky issue is to do what Bill and Melinda Gates did. They chose the age of 13 as the rule in their family. And though that might work for the Gates brood, the right age for cellphone ownership is different for each family and each child.

Jerry Bubrick, a clinical psychologist and anxiety expert at the Child Mind Institute in New York, is often asked this question. He tells parents, "It is less about a specific age and more about a kid's social awareness and understanding of what the technology means.

"You could have a really immature 15-year-old who's acting out on the phone, but you give it to him because he's 15 - whereas a really socially mature 12-year-old could handle it better."

He recommends taking the following into consideration before making a decision:

How often does your child lose things, especially expensive things?

How well does your child handle money?

Consider how easily your child picks up on social cues.

How savvy is your child about technology?

How well does your child do with limits to screen time?

There are also some important reasons for giving your child a phone:

Special medical concerns. If a child has a serious medical condition, such as diabetes or life-threatening allergic reactions for which every second counts, having access to a cellphone is a necessity, not a luxury. Parents feel more secure knowing their children can reach them immediately if they start experiencing symptoms or need medical attention.

Emergencies. When both parents are working outside the home, many feel more secure if their children have a way to reach them, and vice versa. This is an issue every family needs to sort out independently but is especially critical if younger children are returning to unsupervised homes after school.

Safety concerns. With yet another senseless and tragic school shooting, many parents feel it's essential that they're able to contact their children at any moment.

If you've determined your child is ready to take on this grown-up responsibility, be sure to set the ground rules first:

Buy a basic phone. Yes, you can still get a phone that doesn't include a camera, Internet access, games, and texting.

Set limits. Most cellphone companies allow you to cap the number of texts a user can send or receive as well as the number of minutes the cellphone can be used.

Establish use requirements. Designate times that the cellphone needs to be turned off - for instance, during family meals, after 10 p.m., and during school hours. If your teen is a driver, insist that he or she not use the phone when driving.

Follow the same rules yourself. If you don't want your children to use the phone during meals or while driving, set an example. If you don't want them to compulsively check the phone, don't do so yourself. You are your children's No. 1 role model, whether they admit it or not.

Teach good behavior. Educate children in how to use phones respectfully, not using them to spread rumors, not taking (or sending) photos without people's permission, not sending inappropriate photos or texts, not having personal conversations in public places - and, of course, never communicating with strangers.

One final "to do" before handing over a phone to your child: Sit down together and work on a family cellphone contract that spells out the privileges and responsibilities of phone ownership and use. Having all expectations clearly stated, agreed upon, and signed by parent and child up-front will make things easier and safer for everyone in the future.

You don't have to start from scratch; many excellent contracts are available on the Internet. For samples and additional information, go to the online version of this post: www. philly.com/healthykids.

Anita Kulick is president and CEO of Educating Communities for Parenting, a Philadelphia nonprofit organization.