Before Wedgehead tangled with T.J. Miller, he traded insults with Joe Sixpack

No doubt you've caught the Shock Top commercial with comedian T.J. Miller. The spot, a fast-paced insult swap between the star of the HBO sitcom Silicon Valley and a wiseguy talking tap handle named Wedgehead, has been floating around the Internet for the last week in advance of its TV debut Sunday during the Super Bowl .

What you haven't seen is the original version - the one featuring Joe Sixpack. Or maybe that was a bad dream.

In any case, it went like this:

Wedgehead: Yo, beer boy, over here. . . .

Joe Sixpack: Wha . . . ? A talking tap handle?

Wedgehead: That's right. You got a problem with that?

Joe Sixpack: Uh, no. I'm just surprised you're speaking English. Aren't you from Belgium?

Wedgehead: Oh, I'm surprised you understand English. Aren't you from Philly?

Joe Sixpack: Your new ad campaign is supposed to be "real talk" without pretension. Isn't that a bit ironic coming from a faux craft beer?

Wedgehead: Faux? Now who's being pretentious? Are you sure you're not a wine writer?

Joe Sixpack: C'mon, in last year's Super Bowl, your pals at Budweiser bashed beer geeks for drinking pumpkin peach ale. Now they're advertising Shock Top Spiced Banana Wheat. Is that even beer?

Wedgehead: That's a helluva question coming from a guy who drinks Sweet Baby Jesus Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter.

Joe Sixpack: Tell me one thing: Is Shock Top Strawbanero Wheat the bastard son you had after banging a Bud Light Mang-o-Rita?

Wedgehead: At least I got some action. When you beer nerds do it, you call it a "collaboration."

Joe Sixpack: That sounds like sour grapes. Is that your latest flavor?

Wedgehead: You mean like that funky old bottle of lambic you spent 20 bucks on last night?

Joe Sixpack: It was 25.

Wedgehead: How'd you even afford that? You look like you've been unemployed since the Prohibition.

Joe Sixpack: I work for a newspaper.

Wedgehead: Like I said.

Joe Sixpack: Did you get that badass attitude working for a greedy international conglomerate?

Wedgehead: It's my shtick. I was dreamed up by an advertising agency to give the impression that Shock Top is hip and edgy. Our slogan is "Live Life Unfiltered."

Joe Sixpack: And here I thought they called it Shock Top because that's how they woke you up after that brain injury.

Wedgehead: They call you Sixpack because Nickelback was already taken.

Joe Sixpack: You're not fooling anyone. You look like an undercover FBI agent trying to infiltrate Greenpeace while wearing wingtips.

Wedgehead: What's your point? We fooled everyone into thinking Beck's was made in Germany - even when the fine print said "Brewed in St. Louis."

Joe Sixpack: So you're trying to corner the idiot market?

Wedgehead: You mean your readers?

Joe Sixpack: Ouch.

Wedgehead: You write like Donald Trump talks.

Joe Sixpack: Said the guy with that hair. Is that real or is it as fake as the "essence" of berries in Shock Top Raspberry Wheat?

Wedgehead: Who cares? Anheuser-Busch just spent a zillion dollars to put me into the Super Bowl!

Joe Sixpack: I wish somebody would throw some of that money my way.

Wedgehead: You're already overpaid - you drink beer for a living.

Joe Sixpack: Are you wearing sunglasses because you're famous or because you've got a hangover from drinking Shock Top?

Wedgehead: Both. Do you have gray hair because you're old or because you're old?

Joe Sixpack: Do you wear a Mohawk to appeal to hipsters in 1993?

Wedgehead: Said the guy with the goatee. You look like you were raised in the wild by wolves.

Joe Sixpack: You taste like you were pissed by wolves.

Wedgehead: Yes, but it's unfiltered piss!

"Joe Sixpack" is written by Don Russell. For more on the beer scene, download Bar Talk with Glen Macnow and Joe Sixpack, and sign up for his weekly email update at joesixpack.net. Email: joe@joesixpack.net.