Q: I have been married for almost 25 years, and I’m ready to throw in the towel. My husband doesn’t respect me, and frankly I don’t like who I am when I am with him. Our children are pretty much grown and I’m thinking about going my own way. He is not a bad man at all. He’s a wonderful guy who’s loved and respected by many, but I am tired of living in his shadow. He has a big job that he performs admirably but when he’s home he expects me to take care of him which I do but inside I’m seething. The world thinks he’s so great and it’s like I’m a nothing because I stayed home and took care of our family. If you can see a way to save this marriage please let me know because I don’t see any way for me to be happy except to leave him and break up what’s mostly a happy home. I’ve tried talking to him but nothing ever changes and I’m am tired of being sad.
Steve: I hear a lot of pain and even self-loathing from you. It sounds like you feel your role as a home maker has not been valued. Perhaps a career of you own would help, but if you are getting to not like who you are, it may be time to leave.
Mia: You’re blaming him but it’s really you who are to blame. Nobody made you become a housewife. That’s a choice that you made and now it sounds as if you’re not satisfied with your lot in life. Luckily, it’s not too late to change. Steve’s right about getting a career of your own. Or maybe there are some hobbies or volunteer work that you can do that will give you something to focus on besides how miserable you are. Think twice though about leaving your husband, though. Once you start feeling better about yourself you might find that your feelings about him will be rekindled as well.
Q: I’m a 50-year single woman who’s pretty nice looking and interested in meeting a man around the same age. I’m very proactive and go out a lot hoping to meet someone but so far nothing has worked but I keep trying. Last week, I met a guy at an event who I’ve seen around and he seemed interested in me too but he didn’t ask me out. Before I left, I went over and asked for him for his card. He seemed flattered and we exchanged information. Later that night, he texted me to say he enjoyed meeting me and I responded. We exchanged texts back and forth and then he stopped responding. Now I’m feeling paranoid that I may have said the wrong thing or something. I called a couple of my friends but they don’t think I did anything wrong. I really hope I see him again. Would I be wrong to call him and drop a few hints about our going out on a date?
Mia: Men are kind of like dogs in that if they see someone they want, they give chase. You already offered him your number and showed yourself to be receptive by eagerly responding to his texts. If he didn’t ask you out, trust me there’s a reason. He’s either married, dating someone, gay or just not interested. You don’t need to find out why he stopped communicating. He’s not your guy. Stopping thinking about it. Don’t call any more friends for their opinions. Move on. There’s nothing to see or analyze.
Steve: Mia’s right. You were hoping for a base hit, but got a foul ball. Pursuing him will only make you look desperate, which is not a good look. Keep trying and good luck.