Sideshow: Rooney retire? 'I think I'll know'

"Retire? From what? Life?"

So says America's favorite philosopher-curmudgeon Andy Rooney about the prospect of leaving his perch at TV newsmag 60 Minutes.

Rooney, who turned 91 yesterday, does concede that "the time may come" to retire.

The commentator, whose apparent misanthropy covers a big, juicy, caring heart, is a 31-year veteran of the CBS show, which employs him to turn his sharp tongue and equally sharp command of irony on American culture.

"I think I'll know when I can't do this anymore," he tells USA Today. "I think I'd quit before anyone tells me to."

So who should take over his gig once - if - he retires? Rooney suggests legendary newsman Charles Kuralt - who died in '97.

So, USA Today asks Rooney, aren't you just a grump? "There's an awful lot of nonsense in this world. I'm not shy about expressing a dislike when I feel it," he says. "I think too many people try too hard to be likable." (Right on.)

She's as articulate and thoughtful as she is beautiful. So it's no wonder Harvard has decided to pick on (well,

honor

)

Anne Hathaway

(

Havoc

,

Becoming Jane

,

Get Smart

). Harvard's Hasty Pudding Theatricals will give the thesp its Hasty Pudding award at a roast on Jan. 23. Former Pudding awardees include

Renée Zellweger

,

Charlize Theron

, and

Scarlett Johansson

.

Speaking of beautiful women and Harvard: The Brits love

Legally Blonde: The Musical

, an adaptation of the

Reese Witherspoon

flick about a girly-girl who enrolls at Harvard Law School.

The show, which was hardly a hit with American wags, opened Wednesday in London and has seduced critics. "I tried, I really tried to hate this show, but resistance is futile," wrote Charles Spencer in the Daily Telegraph. He said the show is "light, fast, fun, and frothy."

Sizzling-hot

American Idol

songman

Adam Lambert

last week boasted he had been invited for a chat with the all-time daytime talk-show hero. ("

Oprah

: def true," he tweeted.)

We scoffed. But it's true: Yesterday, Oprah's people told People that The Big O and The Big A taped their chat on Wednesday. That's not all: He also warbled his single, "Whataya Want From Me." The episode airs Tuesday.

Actor

Michael C. Hall

, 38, of

Dexter

and

Six Feet Under

fame, has announced he has been successfully treated for Hodgkin's lymphoma, which is now in remission. Hall said he was recuperating with the help of his wife and

Dexter

costar,

Jennifer Carpenter

.

"I feel fortunate to have been diagnosed with an eminently treatable and curable condition," Hall tells the Los Angeles Times. "I thank my doctors and nurses for their . . . care."

Local radio station WRNB Philly (107.9 FM) will host a

Teddy Pendergrass

Day Sunday from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. at the Sound of Philadelphia Souvenir Shop, 309A S. Broad St. The R&B singer, who died Wednesday at 59, cut his teeth as a singer with the Edison Mastersingers at Thomas Edison High School for Boys.

The

Bachelor

curse strikes again!

Bachelorette survivor Bob Guiney, 38, who went on to charm the nation as a sweet-regular-Joe on Season 4 of ABC's The Bachelor, and his fairy-tale wife of five years, All My Children star Rebecca Budig, 36, secretly split up months - and months - ago, claims Star mag.

And you, innocent and credulous as you are, weren't hip to it. (Ample cause for rebellion!)

Guiney is a reality-TV romancer: He chased Trista Rehn on his first reality go-round, proposed to Estella Gardinier on his second, and met Budig in '03 on his third, Bachelor XYZ, which she hosted. Budig's first marriage, to Daniel Geller, lasted four months.

Guiney and Budig have released a nondenial denial to People mag: "We love each other very much. We are best friends and don't know what the future holds."

Ke$ha

(gotta love a gal with a little bling in her name) has won the top spot on the album charts with

Animal

, which sold 152,000 copies in its first week, according to Nielsen SoundScan. After six weeks at No. 1,

Susan Boyle

's

I Dreamed a Dream

slipped to No. 2 with 93,000

.

Brangelina's Jolie-Pitt Foundation has donated $1 mil to Doctors Without Borders for its work aiding Haiti earthquake survivors.

Cops were called to the Spencer Pratt-Heidi Montag compound in Lalaland Wednesday to investigate a possible kidnapping when headline-addict Heidi showed up at her door wearing something that concealed her face. It was merely a fashion accessory.

Sometimes good comes out of ill: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are friends again after running into each other at a memorial for Casey Johnson at Nicky Hilton's L.A. pad on Jan. 5. "On such a sad day, it brought a smile to my face," Paris tells Life & Style of seeing her old pal.